Just that really, how do you know when it's over?
We constantly bicker over the most mundane of things. It's making me weary. He regularly takes things I say the wrong way and says "I'm having a go" at him. I wonder sometimes if it's because we're both tired because our DC kept us up the night before, but generally they're a good sleeper. Or if it's because I've got PMT, but we bicker all the time.
We've not had sex for 5 months, and before that it's been sporadic at best for the past 2-3 years. I've told him more than once that this upsets me but nothing changes. We have no physical contact at all really, other than a quick peck on the lips before bed - that is it! Then he rolls over with his back to me, eye mask on and headphones in. Sometimes when I brush past him in the kitchen I see him literally flinching, that's not a good sign surely!!
There's been other issues over the past couple of years too - he's had a health problem which took it's toll on his mental health. This led to him having problems with addictions, lying to me, a massive impact on our finances and pretty much ruined any trust I had in him.
He's had all the help available to him, his physical and mental have improved and he's in a better place.
However, I'm still struggling to get past it all. I struggle to trust him, particularly with money. I'm quite frugal/a saver, he is by his own admission a waster.
One of things he did which particularly hurt was to slate me to his friends, telling them how horrible I was to him because I'd wonder why he was always late home from work and disappear for hours on end on his days off, wondering where he'd been because I'd recently given birth and needed his help and support. Me simply asking him where he'd been would always end in an argument but it was obviously because he had a guilty conscious. He also slagged me off to them because the house was untidy, a lot of it down to him creating the mess in the first place and then never being around to tidy up!
The bickering, the no sex, different values, all the crap he did in the past when he was unwell - it's really taken it's toll on me. If I tell him now how unhappy I can guarantee he'll make all the right noises - "I'll change, I'll do this/that/whatever". And of course for a short while he'll make a bit of effort, but really nothing will change.
He has a great relationship with our DC and it is convenient him being here in terms of having a bit of childcare. But that's it really, he takes no responsibility for any decision making in relation to the DC. All of the adulting generally falls to me.
I don't see my friends much nowadays, and a lot of the time when I do it revolves around play dates so not really the environment I want to get all this off my chest. One friend I did confide has now pretty much disappeared so I'm also a bit reluctant to talk to anyone else about it.
I hate feeling the way I do right now, not knowing what to do for the best. And I know that I am far from perfect - I can be a stubborn PITA sometimes, but generally I'm a people pleaser - maybe this is my problem? I look at him and think I really don't want to spend the next 30/40/50 years feeling like this.
Thanks for reading.