Toxic Ex Please help

[Sxox]

Can I have a private post please hun.
Hey ladies so I need some advice as I feel Like I’m hitting my head of a wall 24/7 want to no if anyone’s been through same advice etc... so basically myself and my “ex” have been finished for a year due to him cheating -violence we have twin girls who are 3 we where together 5years when we spilt he throw us out our home and we literally started with NOTHING we have our own home now and I’ve replaced everything we’ve lost- first six months there was no contact hand overs for kids done through 3rd party everything was fine he was seeing kids every 2nd weekend I was trying to move forward etc since about September he’s been back in touch sob story’s constant digs or overly nice like it’s different everyday one of his family members passed I was trying to be there for him he would call me crying or saying he hates his life we went out for dinner with kids and he was saying he missed family would I ever go back looking genuinely sad saying he’s traveled partied doesn’t want that no more then next day he’s rude and cheeky again. He’s obsessed with me having boyfriend. If he thinks am on night out he will drop kids off at my sisters even if was agreeded to have children until Monday. He sends me messages of our old bed with our old sheets like look I still have .. it’s actually destroying me mentally I love this guy but he’s hot and cold id love my family together I punish myself for it after absolutely everything he’s done and how he’s made me feel and I feel like I can’t get over. He leads a chaotic life I feel like he uses me when he’s down and I’m always there I feel like a mug. Will I ever get over him?
Thanks lovely’s

Go back to third party hand overs or contact centre. Communicate with a specific email only or a third party. Block him he is manipulative and a is abusive.

Please do not even contemplate getting over what he did. It was absolutely unforgivable. Please blow out that love you have for him also. This B made you and your tiny DDs homeless. He is very lucky that he has access to your DDs now and that may be good for them too, for now (but no doubt you will be keeping that under review). But he cannot ever change enough that you should contemplate taking him back. The way he treated you and your DDs should have finished off your love for him and the facts that it has not and that you still entertain emotional contact with this man mean you need to do some work on yourself and your boundaries.

As CalleighDoodle said, he is manipulative and abusive - do not let him back into your life romantically. Read 'Women Who Love Too Much' by Robin Norwood - these kinds of relationships are addictive and the associated highs and lows can feel like love but it isn't love. He certainly doesn't love you because someone who loved you and your DDs could not under any circumstances have behaved like that. And you cannot afford to waste your love on someone who will treat you and your DDs so badly.

Abusers only care about their own pain. He's sorry now that he's seen what he has lost. Well, boo hoo and tough shit to him. Most men are NOT like this. Love should feel steady, calm, nurturing and supportive. Real love may feel quite dull if you have been caught in the addictive highs and lows of an abusive relationship and you probably need to do some work on yourself so that you avoid being sucked back into a relationship with this man or into abusive relationships in the future also. Remember that your DDs are likely to repeat the cycle if they are brought up in an abusive relationship so you owe it to them as well as to yourself not to get romatically involved with this man again.

The reality is he is still abusing you. Based on what you have described, I believe you would have grounds for a non-molestation order. Certainly if you follow CalleighDoodle's advice (which is very good) and he continues to behave like this, you would have. You could discuss it with the National Centre for Domestic Violence. Having a non-molestation order need not prevent him seeing his DDs, if you're still comfortable with that. It would cover how he treats you.

You sound terrific, by the way - you will get over him and you will have a much brighter future without him in your life than with him in it.

Reduce personal contact massively. He’s trying to control you and is a shit father dumping his kids all the time.

If someone threw me out of their home together with our MUTUAL children and was an utter twat in other ways, then nope, I would not give this person the time of day.

I have been in an abusive relationship, it was covert emotional abuse and went on for far too long. He kept dumping me or I kept leaving him, but he always came crawling back seeking "forgiveness", being remorseful and wanting me to "forget everything and try again".

And I did, probably around 10 times. It was long distance so it was always nice for me to fly out of the country, in hindsight I realise that was one of the main reasons for wanting to see him. Throw in a little loneliness, isolation and missing sex, et voila. A right bloody mess. Inevitably after keeping up the facade of being nice, kind etc etc for a few days, the snide remarks and horrible comments about my appearance would start.

All I can say is I UNDERSTAND. It is shit because they have your emotions upside down, almost literally. You hate them and love them at the same time.. and in your case, you are probably also scared of him. It isn't love though, it is a trauma bond.

Go look it up on YouTube and check out the following channels:

Inner Integration
Ross Rosenberg
Lisa A Romano
Balance Psychologies
Peace and Harmony

Jackson MacKenzie also has a great website and two excellent books about finally getting free from abuse, Psychopath Free is the first one, Whole Again is the other.

God I could write a book about this myself.

Also speak to Womens Aid or Harbour about the Freedom Program. There is a program that follows on from it called "Empowerment", which I am starting in 2020.