New partner & living together whilst still married

[Stealthynamechange]

Hi all
Im separated have a 2 year old dc shared with ex, no formal arrangement, i pay all childcare, half child benefit & receive no maintence. Live in rented, rent has just gone up & im struggling financially despite having good income. I have a lovely partner who has a great relationship with my dc, he joint owns his house with his ex (they arent married) he pays mortgage bills etc she doesnt contribute (wouldnt expect her to either) We are talking about living together some point next year, it would make things significantly easier & better for us both.
My questions are:
Can his ex do anything to prevent me moving in or evict me?
Would my ex have grounds to increase the time dc spend with him if i move? (Move would make me significantly closer to ex)
Thanks mumsnet!

Anyone?

I wouldn't make the decision to move in based on finances. It's risky if you wouldn't otherwise. The fact that you're still married and your bf owns a property with his ex suggests it's early days. Lots of threads on here about people moving in together quickly, especially with young kids.

His ex owns the house with him and it is probably better to confirm they have no issues with you moving in before hand.

Technically she could move back in if she wanted to make things difficult.
Your ex can not evict you. Only the owner of a premises can do this.
If the new man is a safeguarding risk then he may have grounds to take legal actions but otherwise he has no grounds to stop you as the move is closer.

Would he apply for more contact as travelling time is reduced? Who knows. It would be likely be granted if it was reasonable. But this depends on what is in place already and if this is a genuine application or a vexatious one.

I think it depends on your relationship with your ex and how much easier this set up is for him and how you communicate this to him.

Thank you, no its not purely a financial decision we currently spend 5 to 7 nights together a week in each others houses, my ex is abusive & im starting freedom programme in january. His ex is a nightmare, he wants to buy her out of the house but she is currently refusing & insisting they sell, its with solicitors at the min, i suspect will go to court... she definitely wont move back in shes moved over 100 miles away!

As others say, moving in with your partner whilst still both entangled with Ex's is a risk.

If the motivation is to help with money but the relationship doesn't work out in a few years, would you be able to fund your exit? What if your daughter had started school so had to stay in the area, could you afford it. If you have furniture now would you be able to hang on to it.

I imagine you will be paying rent to him so will that limit your chance of buying your own place. Will you feel resentful that he is building equity whilst you have the rights of a lodger. You are giving up housing rights as if he wanted you & your daughter out you will have no protection. As the weaker partner it will change the relationship dynamic.

Basically take off any rose tinted glasses, assume the relationship might fail and think how you can secure a home for your daughter.

Just seen your update.. warning bells, you are still married, his ex is a "nightmare" and you having yet processed your last abusive relationship ending.

Slow down, you are really rushing this.

Something to consider is when you divorce - I remember when I was doing my financial settlement it did ask about current living situation - and there was a box about co habitating.

OP if you are planning to do the Freedom Programme why are you moving in with someone prior? Sounds risky.

Thanks everyone. I do have my own furniture - thats a very good point.
I cant afford to stay where i am much longer so would be in the same position if relationship failed really as im in debt & cant afford to save.
Its more the legal aspects i would like comments on, not the pace of the relationship. We are in no rush but its something we are thinking about for next year.

Thanks, I wouldnt be moving in prior to doing freedom programme

@Stealthynamechange, why not focus on getting to a position where you can afford to live independently. Get all the legal stuff out of the way as I found healing only started once the ties were cut from Ex.

If you were my daughter I’d be encouraging you to sort the divorce and gain financial independence before living with another man again.

Personally I wouldn’t want to live in the house my partner shared with his ex. I don’t understand why you want to do this.

If I jointly owned a property with an ex I would be happy for them to buy me out. It’s a quick and cheap way to get my share. That your current DPs ex is taking him to court over this is odd. That he willing to fight it in court even odder. They are wasting their money. This behaviour from both of them implies they still have issues with each other and maybe always will.

He should just sell it and take his share. Then you can jointly buy your own property once you divorce. In the meantime you could rent together. Again somewhere new.

My advice to you and your DP. Clean and complete breaks from your past. Then a new future in a new home, together or apart. There’s no need for either of you to have these vestiges in your lives.

Thank you, no its not purely a financial decision we currently spend 5 to 7 nights together a week in each others houses, my ex is abusive & im starting freedom programme in january.
This sounds a very surprising arrangement given your ex is abusive and you're separated.
To go from this arrangement to moving in with your new partner soon, seems a recipe for disaster.
I mean this nicely, but have you really thought this through properly?
Also, are you saying your ex gets half the child benefit, despite you paying full childcare fees and getting no maintenance?

I wouldn’t move into a house his ex owns. He needs to sort all that out first ie buy her out or sell up.

Thanks all, i will definitely hold off until we can rent together. I hadnt considered the power imbalance or that i would have no legal rights if things went wrong. Really appreciate the collective wisdom.

I get that your ex is abusive but how is it you only get 50% child benefit?

I get all the cb, i have to send him half or he wont handover dc

I want to apply for residency to stop this happening but would need mediation first & the minute i do it his behaviours will escalate & i risk losing my dc.
Im stuck

Why are you not claiming child maintenance from your exH via CSA ?

Have you filed for divorce ?

Please seek help from women’s aid or a legal aid organisation. It isn’t right that your ex threatens you with keeping your children away from you. They are experts in helping mums deal with abusive former partners. Please don’t try to deal with this alone. It’s a horrible position to be in, but there is help out there for you to make a better life for your kids.

My other comment is that your kids have been through an awful lot, from being in a home with an abusive parent to dealing with the separation. Even if they seem to like your new partner, it’s way too early to be considering moving in together. Please understand they will just want their mum to be happy, and they might not show until much later that actually, they weren’t ready for you to be in a serious new relationship so soon. By then, the situation will be extremely difficult to manage. The best thing would be to find a way to manage living independently so your kids can have a stable home and you can all recover from the separation. If your new partner is a keeper, he’ll understand. If he doesn’t understand, you’re better off without him.

Thanks both
Im not claiming through csa as he will with hold contact if i do
I earn too much to qualify for legal aid

Im not going to move in with new partner yet, it was something we were talking about but points made above have been helpful.
Not sure what i am going to do though!

To be honest if your ex can’t cope with you getting child benefit he certainly won’t cope with you moving in with another bloke. Thus is a risky time - be careful