to date or be alone?

[sophiajasmin]

My partner and I split up 5 yrs ago, we had been together since we were young and have 3 children. I found out he had been lying about money, and spending his time on porn sites while I was working evenings. It all came as a big shock. 5 yrs on the kids are all up and done well and I have my own business. I've turned my life around in a way I never thought I would. I have not however once in those 5 yrs been on a date or had any interest from a single man. I take good care of myself and I have lots of friends so deep down I don't think theres anything wrong with me. I dont drink and dont do pubs, I dont really meet people in my work. Friends keep telling me I will meet someone eventually and I need to get out there and try dating sites. Im not comfortable with any of that and although I get on well with men I cant flirt and dont want to either. On the one hand I am happy as I am, single. Yet on the other I sometimes feel lonely and think life is passing me by. Why have I never met a guy, I feel like I am the only person not in a couple?

There is nothing wrong with my partner but if I found myself single again I'd stay single and live alone with my cat.

Why not do both. Have dates without anything serious.

Does anyone think it odd that in five years of being single I haven't had a date? I talk to men just as easily as I talk to women but no-one has shown any romantic interest in me the whole time Ive been single?

I think in the age of online dating people have lost the ability or confidence to ask people out in real life. The men you have met may well have liked you, but wouldn't ask you out face to face. I would give online dating a go.

dinosaur risotto I think you're right but have heard about weirdos on dating sites

Maybe you’re not giving off any signals to any potential suitors?
I feel like when I was much younger say under 25 I’d be asked out loads without any encouragement.
As I’ve gotten older it’s like they need a little more encouragement and banter first, I think men might lose their courage! Or you could just ask someone and initiate it if you meet someone you like?

LuluBellaBlue youre right when I was a teenager I didn't have to think about it it just happened. What sort of signals are you talking about? Honestly, I dont know. I don't think I had to give any signals when I was young

There are bound to be a few weirdos online, but don't forget those people exist in real life too! I think the key is not to get too invested too soon - chat to a few people online, don't give out any personal or identifying details, then meet for a drink only. That way if you aren't keen you don't need to endure a 3 course meal and they can't track you down aftetwards!!

@dinosaurrisotto how very true that 'weirdos exist in real life too'!