Ugh. So depressing

[outherealone]

I went out on a work night last night and through the course of the evening learned about no less than THREE affairs. All people I like and respect(ed).
Actual marriages ruined and about to be ruined, young children involved etc.
I’m on the cusp of ending my relationship because of cleverly withheld information which has left me feeling unsafe and vulnerable.
a real sense of sadness today and maybe I read too much on here but really makes me wonder if anyone is actually trustworthy?

IME, most long term relationships involve some sort of sexual infidelity.

We as humans are not designed to be monogamous.

And no, nobody is trustworthy. There was a thread on here a few years ago where OP discovered her "D"P had literally pissed into her toiletries and then chortled at the thought she was washing her hair etc with his piss. I'd be a lot more disturbed by that than a partner having sex with someone else.

Oh Jesus that’s grim!

Sad but true. Us humans are not meant to be monogamous and so very few can be truly trusted in this regard. I include myself unfortunately. Hopefully in future we’ll scrap the idea of monogamy entirely as a social construct

I don’t necessarily disagree ref monogamy but anything other than a monogamous relationship needs to be carried out with the knowledge and consent of all parties otherwise it is cheating and dishonesty .
You can’t have open relationships when one person thinks it’s exclusive.

@outherealone absolutely agree.

This makes me so sad. 😩

Of course you cannot ever trust another person 100%.

The only person I 100% trust not to cheat is myself.

Surely you'd realise from the texture and the scent of the toiletries that someone had pissed in them?!

As for cheating, it happens a lot, but it's not inevitable in every relationship. There are women and men who think nothing of 'playing away' if they can, but for many others, the thought of infidelity is repulsive.

Cheating isn’t inevitable ffs. I pity people who think that

Cheating is a choice, not biology.

We can choose to be monogamous. But I reckon a fair proportion of married people have been unfaithful & get away with it, sadly.

It is really sad. I know so many people who cheat and so many people who are cheated on plus have been lied to myself in many relationships. It really hurts and can affect a lot of people, especially when there’s kids involved.
I believe it’s all or nothing unless all partners are complicit in open relationships

4 out of 5 ex partners have cheated on me and I've cheated on one, not my proudest of moments!

I am now getting to the point where I am thinking about finding acceptance in the fact a man will always stray and to not put too much love into a relationship. It's not the "fairytale ending" I'd hoped for, but I don't want to hurt anymore.

If that works for you then that’s what you have to do. I ended a relationship today based on withholding information regarding time spent with exes and some mysterious condones in his glovebox which have apparently been there from before we were together . I bought the story but then realised the next time I say them that the packet was different from last time, either opened or unsealed, not sure which but it apparently had been used to store things in.
Breaks my heart being cheated on several times in my life. Now if things don’t add up in m primed straight away to go into hyper vigilance. Don’t think I can handle putting myself out there again!

As a husband I can say that I’d never ever cheat on my wife, I talk the girls on a night out and that’s as far as I’d go. I cheated on a previous partner when I was in my 20’s and 30 years later I still regret it and hate myself for it. I’ve also been cheated on when I was young and it’s the worst feeling possible. Now I’m married if my wife cheated on me I’d be totally devastated and don’t know how I’d ever get over it, even though we don’t have the best relationship at the moment. I took my vows when we married and I’ll stand by them till the day I die. Not sure my wife will though

Funny how so many "non-monogamous" people only want themselves to be non-monogamous, not their partner at home, hmmm?

Monogamy is the choice and preference of many. If you don't want to be monogamous, absolutely fine. Just don't trick a monogamous person into saving themselves just for you whilst you're secretly putting it about town...to eventually break their heart and their ability to properly trust another human again. Put it about in mutually agreed non-exclusive relationships. That would be the decent and honest thing to do.

Cheating is horrible, but goes on all the time. It doesn't matter who you are, what kind of lifestyle you have, and what you stand to lose by cheating. I know three people in my village here,who are cheating on their partners. They go to village events, and even to church services together. But they have away day secrets, for reasons unknown of course.

I feel sad to know about these people,but would never judge them at all,as cheating was happening in my marriage about 30 years ago, with young children involved, and was the worst time in my life at that time.

You can’t have open relationships when one person thinks it’s exclusive

If you don't want to be monogamous, absolutely fine. Just don't trick a monogamous person into saving themselves just for you whilst you're secretly putting it about town...to eventually break their heart and their ability to properly trust another human again

The two above points hit the nail on the head for me.

@closetbeanmuncher agreed.