"You expect too much from people."

[Taylorisme5]

Is it wrong to expect things from people ? I have had a couple of friends who have dropped off the radar now they are married/in a relationship. They are polite and friendly if I message but they never initiate anything or make plans. One in particular you don't see her for toffee when she's got a boyfriend.
I told my other friend that I felt disappointed and that as a single person I did feel lonely sometimes as a result. I have some other friends who fortunately are forthcoming, with someone or not.

I recently had a guy I really like pursue me, insist he was single, then I discovered he actually had a girlfriend. It's an awful thing to lie about. Told the same friend and she said very nonchalantly "oh majority of people lie really it's human nature, nobody is perfect" (Do not agree with that at all). And told me again that I expect too much.

Do I expect too much from people ? I think expecting someone to be honest about their relationship status is the bare minimum, to be honest. If someone tells a lie that big, how are you supposed to trust them about anything ?

Re the friends, I honestly think decent friends wouldn't stop making effort or talking just because they are with someone, they would still make time.

What do others think ? Does anyone manage to have zero expectations from people ?

Sounds more like you have shit friends to be honest who don't care about other people. I bet that friend wouldn't have cared he had a girlfriend and would have slept with him anyway.

Sadly yes. I don't think having standards is a bad thing, why should we put up with everything shitty that people do because it's 'human nature'?
If you let them do anything and then you're still there at the end, that's only sending the message that you will put up with anything.

I expect decent behavior from people. If people start to ignore me when they make a new partner their priority in life, I let them go. Sometimes people's situation becomes so difficult they can't stay in touch with anyone, but I would not stay in touch with a friend of convenience.

That's a good point. Sometimes mental health issues and other circumstances play a part, but I don't agree with "Don't have any expectations from anyone" sadly.

When some friends have failed to reply to messages this same friend has said "Oh it's normal at the start of a new relationship, theyre so busy with their partner."

I can see what she's saying to an extent but I still find it infantile that everyone else goes out the window.

It's not good behavior, but you can't change people. You can only choose who you put in an effort for.

Yeah, that's true ! Would rather have a small number of good, reliable friends now tbh. Don't think there's anything wrong with having expectations of people.

It’s important to have expectations about how you are treated. If people aren’t treating you with love and respect, then it would be dim witted not to make a judgement. You have every right to expect loyalty and if you’re not getting that then let them go, as a PP said.

The other side to this is in very long standing friendships there are usually occasions now and then where forgiveness is required but that’s up to the individual.

Sadly, it seems that an overwhelming majority of people in life are just fundamentally selfish and dont care about anyone else but themselves.

I tend to follow the principle of only investing in people to the same level of what I get back. So, if a friend is flaky, drifts in and out of my life and never bothers to initiate plans, neither do I. I catch up with them when and if they happen to be around, have a good chat/laugh and then let them drift off again. No expectations of them after that and if I see them- then great, if I dont- meh, no big loss. I dont expect them to show up to anything and I dont expect them to keep in touch regularly.

On the other hand, I have some very close friends who I would literally die for and they for me. I adore them because they are loyal, supportive, kind, interesting, funny and amazing people. I make a huge effort with them because it is reciprocated. I will always give people the benefit of the doubt but I really hold strongly to the "dont treat people like a priority when all you are to them is an option" mentality. This has really helped me stop feeling so disappointed and let down. Remember: only invest in people to the same level that they are investing in you.