That’s it then

[borage13]

Together three years, both have children from previous relationships. I’m ending it today because I just feel so cold and dead inside when I think about the relationship. I’ve been admittedly distant and withdrawn for a few months, mostly for job and stress reasons. I can’t confide in him because he’s competitively miserable and always has to be worse off.
The last straw was him contacting my friends telling them He was concerned for my mental health because I’d told him i was having issues with a past memory.
I feel like I’ve failed and I have to go through a bloody Christmas with my family, not saying anything and being subject to the usual jibes and nasty looks (am the black sheep). I have always been so proud of my independence and now it feels like a mark of shame.
I just want to run away.

So sorry you're going through this. These feelings will pass hun.xx Xmas is just one day really, then it's over. x

Can I jump on for some support, almost identical situation and so tired and unhappy. I feel awful at ending it but I just can't go on living a lie and being miserable.

Let me know how it goes as I a waiting until after Christmas as I'm too cowardly to do it before as it's my house so he will need to leave and we have all the kids at the moment.

Falaaaaalaaaaaa I hear you. I wanted to give myself some time to think over Christmas so that I could make sure there was nothing that could be done, but this has just prevented me from being able to do even that.

I feel so, so guilty. I keep telling myself that I can’t take responsibility for him and just do or be what he wants in order to make him happy but he just doesn’t see it like that and hates me for needing space or being withdrawn. It isn’t fair on him so surely this is the right thing to do?

I just feel so trapped and I'm sure you do to, I have brought every single present for his kids and he has not even got his daughter a card for her birthday, my respect for him is now in the gutter but I still feel guilty why????? I don't think he will (or has) brought anything for my DD so why should I feel guilty, it's very clear that this relationship is one sided and the reason they don't want to give us space is once we do we will realise that in no way do we need them for anything and they only make our life harder. I'm clearly in the ranty faze still

so you have been cold, distant and withdrawn for months, you pulled away and aren't letting him in and you are talking about struggling with the past so he reached out to get YOU help because everything you said is a HUGE red flag and as punishment for worrying about you you're going to break up with him at xmas so you have an extra reason can wallow in more misery instead of taking the help?

sounds real healthy

Jajoje I'm not punishing him (at least that's not the intention) but your post is interesting. I hadn't thought that worrying about the past would be a big red flag.
I thought giving him some space to focus on him was in his interests, rather than using it to "wallow" - I'm trying to get myself together and I need some time. Thank you though, and maybe you're right.