The Manchild: apparently unattractive - so why are so many with one?

[AwkwardQuestion1]

Serious question. I know plenty aren't, however I see so many threads on this Board complaining about OH1 not pulling his weight or OP2 being a right cocklodger...

And yet I so often see being a manchild as being a definite turn-off.

Are there not obvious signs that a potential life-partner might be lacking in the responsibility/equality department? Or do these only become an issue when kids and mortgages come along?

Is being a manchild actually quite attractive at first (e.g. They can be funny? You feel you can mother them? They exude strong self-confidence?)

They don't reveal themselves to be manchildren at first. My university boyfriend was a great cook, and had a tidy enough room. When we moved in together he became a special occasion only cook, suddenly became incapable of keeping his room tidy, and later confessed to deliberately messing up the laundry so that I would do it together. He's now an ex. And after uni he moved back in with his parents, where he's been ever since. It's been four years since we graduated.

The day DH moved into my house - he came in, dumped his back and coat, kept his shoes on whilst on the carpet and turned the Xbox on. He'd been living at home for 5 years post uni but had lived in student accommodation 18-21.

20 minutes later after he started playing fifa I started hoovering in front of him and polishing around the TV. He asked me what I was doing and I said that In this house, there's stuff to be done. We can do it when we get in and it's done then for us to enjoy our evening. Don't come in and drop everything for your Xbox and expect it done for you. Else you can pack up and fuck off.

Next day, he comes in, puts a load of washing on and starts dinner. And that's how we've continued ever since.

If I hadn't tackled his lazy arse at the beginning - I can see how we'd have gotten into a pattern of me running round like an idiot and him doing nothing. We're absolutely equal partners in all things now

In my experience yes & yes. Mine is/ was extremely charming, funny, witty, protective, loving & generous. Certainly in hindsight there were warning signs. But Love is blind sometimes. And quite frankly hindsight is a bit of a bitch. In my experience it creeps up & one day you realise you're doing everything for them. He still has all of the above mentioned qualities, I've just lost my sense of humor & don't find it attractive.

They feel entitled to what they want. They want you, so they put focus and effort in to pursue you, then when they've got "a woman" they then feel entitled to a servant. They then simply "take" that. It's simple entitlement and completely intentional.

@PicsInRed is spot on

I have no idea. My cousin is a manchild. Can't be hidden when he meets people. I won't go into to many identifying details but he can't hide what he is and has always been since finishing school and the example set to him by his parents as well as their enabling has set him up to be a nightmare catch for anyone. He has had a girlfriend for a few years now, uni educated, full time job etc everything he doesn't have.. I can't see what she sees in him. I can only think she has a maternal instinct that enjoys parenting him and paying his way so he can sit at home and play video games.. That or there's something not right about her too. Who knows. I know her family isn't happy about it and is very vocal about what they think of him.

I have nothing to do with either these days but some people sign up for it and then hang around long term. I don't get it.

I think the women tend to like looking after someone initially and the men just get used to it. In every relationship I know, the women are very strong and do it all whereas the men are the ones who don't pull their weight. My friend says men think of themselves whereas women think of everyone impacted.

Mine was fine until the second child arrived. Then it was as though some switch in his brain flipped into 'you're the mummy now' and I was expected to take over the role his mother had (ie, doing everything in the house, she never WOH but was a trailing spouse), whilst he became his dad (controlling, never lifting a finger because 'he went to work').

He'd been strictly 50/50 up until then.

Should add, birth of second child was when I gave up work to be a SAHM. I'd worked up until then.