Double bollocks and jumbo buggers. Done the right thing and its horrible.

[PyongyangKipperbang]

6 months in and its all wrong. I love him but I have a history of choosing emotionally unavailable men and, reader........this time, at least, I didnt marry him!

He is going away for 2 weeks to see his kids over Xmas because he is too spineless to say no to the ex
("I'll tell her after Xmas" yeah, alright mate. I wasnt the OW btw). Then Mad Friday, we had an arrangement for 10 ish tonight. He went out for a beer after work which turned into out-out and didnt bother telling me. Loads of shit like this, so I am done and I've told him so. Glad he is away for 2 weeks as I dont want to see him even handing me a lottery win at the moment.

But it hurts. Mainly that I have been a monumental dickhead and done it again. I have two ex husbands, both of whom were unable to express their emotions....actually thats not true. The second one did but that was mainly his anger.

Sorry, rambling. Just sad and pissed off and ....sad.

Had a shit week as one child turned 18 and its twin didnt as it didnt survive. I needed a hug and love and support and I got nothing. I KNOW its the right thing to do, but it sucks. Still stuck in the "maybe he didnt understand, he said he's sorry" mind set and have to literally stand in front of the mirror and give myself a good talking to, to not fall for it.

Dont know why I'm posting really, well apart from the fact that I am at work for 6am so I cant have a glass of wine to take the edge off.

I should clarify..... the ex is taking the kids to family (in the UK but a long distance) and said that he has to go for the 2 weeks with her as a family to see them and not just over Xmas. If he went for a week then she would hate it but accept it, but he wont argue with her. He is such a custard factory he says "how high?"

so sorry you didn't have the support when you needed it

It doesn't seem unreasonable or spineless for a father to prioritise his children over Christmas?

I agree, it isnt unreasonable. Its that she arranges things specifically to make sure he either signs up for "happy family, mummy and daddy love each other really" or doesnt see them at all. She has admitted this. If he said "I'll come up when I finish work and then go back a week later" she would accept it, but he wont and she knows that.

Anyway, thats their business. Mine is that I'm fed up with him taking me for granted so I'm off. And it hurts.

Its complicated and I wish I had never got involved. Now I am stepping away, which is the right thing to do. I just wish I didnt care about him.

I suspect it's far deeper than the ex/Christmas thing.
YouTube Alan robarge videos... very enlightening for someone with attachment trauma issues.

Sounds like the best thing you can do at the moment is take some proper time out for yourself and evaluate why you keep attracting a certain type of partner.

He's not bad for wanting to go spend time over Christmas with his children, but his ex will always be in his life dictating about the children and if it's something you don't think you can handle, then itd be kinder on yourself and him to end the relationship.

Hugs xxx

Do the kids know about you? Have you met his family? Does he only see you during the week? Not during school holidays?

Are you quite sure he isnt still with the "ex", i.e living in a pied a terre but going home weekends and holidays? You sound like the weekday gf tbh.

That sounds shit OP. I'm sorry for you and at Christmas, too.

Aw come here you and have a massive hug 🤗

What a rubbish week. You have done the right thing. At some point it will feel like that. You know it’s right, you’re just sad for what you thought it could have been - not what it was.

I’m so sorry about your little one.

I am so sorry about your child. Must be so hard having a celebration with one and at the same time mourning the child you lost. Consider this post a hug

The bloke sounds like a loser, ok it took 6 months to come to light but that's definitely better than marrying this one!! Congratulations on your wise decision.

OP I'm so sorry for the loss of your child.

Re the man - I think you've made the right decision - spineless men are hopeless partners (been there, have the emotional scars). Be kind to yourself.

Thanks all

Feeling more positive today :)

Do the kids know about you? Have you met his family? Does he only see you during the week? Not during school holidays?

Yes, yes, no, no for the record. They are definitely apart, but he admits he goes a long with her demands for a quiet life. I said he may as well have stayed married to her then!