How to get over a crush at work

[Helmlover1]

I have a long term partner of nearly 7 years but over the last month or so I’ve developed a pretty intense crush on someone I work with-which I’m mortified about. I’m not sure if he feels the same about me as he’s a lot younger, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t.

I haven’t felt this way about anyone for years and I hate myself that every day I’m taking extra care with my appearance/putting extra makeup on to impress him and I hate myself for it. It’s got so bad that it’s affecting my appetite and my sleeping pattern. I’m desperate for these feelings to go away and feel so guilty as I really do love my partner and I don’t want to cheat on him or hurt him.

Does anyone have any advice on how to make a crush ‘go away’ so to speak as I’m at my wits end I’m sick of feeling like this.

Bump

Maybe your time with your current partner is just coming to an end. You aren't married so you could just do yourself and him a favor and go. If the thought of this makes you sick, then your other alternative is to look for a new job. Because loving someone means not putting yourself in temptations path.

Which would you rather, never see this man again or split with your partner and perhaps, pursue something with this guy?

The choice is hard I'm sure. But it boils down to that single choice.

I've had a few of these. It's not uncommon. Funnily enough one was when I was newly living with DH (my then-BF), one when we were engaged and one when I was pregnant with our first child. I have occasionally wondered if my intense crushes were my way of coping or distracting myself in times of great transition? Two of them came to an end because one of us left the workplace. In the other instance I believe I just gave my head a major shake and made the conscious decision to disengage, and it gradually eased, before I left that workplace too. I'm not sure it entirely disappeared until after I left tbh.

How much contact do you have with this guy? Are there ways of limiting it within the workplace? Would you take the drastic step of finding a new job? It sounds as if it is really affecting your functioning at this point.

I currently sit near him at work but not for much longer, which is a good thing I guess, although originally I was pretty gutted about moving away from him. I can’t really look for another job as there aren’t many jobs going where I live so I’m kind of stuck in this situation.

Do you think I should be honest with my partner and tell him how I feel? I’m pretty sure he knows something is up as he keeps asking me what’s wrong and I feel like I’ve been snappy with him lately, which again is something else I feel guilty about.

It’s nearly Christmas and I feel like I should be happy with my partner instead of being so preoccupied with someone else. I hate it.

No, certainly don't tell him that.

You have a right to your own feelings and you haven't betrayed him so you don't owe him to tell him about a crush. It'll just mess with his head and your marriage. But maybe arrange a romantic dinner for two and have a heart to heart with him along the lines of "sorry I've been a bit off lately, its just work stress but I want you to know how much I love you'' ect...

But first you need to decide what's what with your feelings, settle the issue once and for all. Because saying that to him and then continuing to pine over someone else, is kind of a betrayal.

Work crushes are completely normal. I've had some pretty intense ones in my time and have one now on one of my colleagues.

For 2020 I'm taking the Marie Kondo approach... Does it spark joy? If not, then bin it off. My work crush makes me feel awful, so next year I'm going to avoid him for a bit and keep reminding myself about how bad he makes me feel about myself. You will get over it, it will just take time.