Step mum’s family cutting her out

[Loorz893]

Hello,

I don’t know if this is the right place to post this but I’m so upset and don’t know what to do. My step mum has been married to my dad for nearly 10 years. Before they got together she had a really hard life and suffered severe depression and struggled with having no money after her first husband left her. She always put on a brave face for her kids but since being with my dad has become more honest about her feelings. She has slowly revealed, first to my dad but then to the rest of the family, what a hard time she has had. How difficult life was for her and that she is only now facing up to it and being able to get help including counselling and anti-depressants.

She has revealed to her three sisters that her first husband was abusive and that he left her and the kids with nothing. And she felt she has to smile and carry on because she had no alternative. They have now joined together to cut her out of their lives and they are convincing two of her daughters to do the same. They believe that she has changed and become depressed since marrying my dad and won’t accept that this is her true self and that she is finally able to be happy.

It is breaking my heart that both my step mum and dad are being hurt by their behaviours. I don’t know her sisters very well but I am so angry and wish there was something I can do to help. I know she is clearly better off without them but I just feel so helpless. Her and my dad have both been through a lot. They are the kindest people and deserve to enjoy their retirement now they’ve found one another.

I guess I don’t even have a question. I just really needed to share.... Thank you for listening and please pray that my dad and step mum can move on and forget all about them. xx

Unfortunately some people are just plain toxic. You sound wonderfully caring Op and I'm sure it means a great deal to your step-mum. The only thing is to be there to support her.

Thank you @TiredofthisBS That really does help. I just feel so helpless and get myself stuck in a spiral of feeling so angry and sad for her. She is a lovely, kind, gentle lady and deserves to only have good people in her life. x

Just know that those people are clearly not good for your step mum and your dad. Toxic people, drama llamas will all find a way to cause drama!
You all just stick together and by the sounds of things- as step mothers go or are perceived in life, you have got an absolute gem!
Think no more about these disgusting, vile and hateful people and concentrate on living your lives together!

On another note it's really lovely to hear how much you clearly love your step mum and the relationship you must have!!

I am NC with most of my abusive family and have been for six years. It can be hard but it is very liberating to be free. It's terribly sad about her daughters. Believe me your support will be a great help to her. Keep reminding her of her good points and keep telling her what she means to you. It will help a lot and she will appreciate it.

That sounds really sad.

I would like to think if you're step mum and dad are retirement age then her daughters are old enough to have sound minds of their own to decide if they have a relationship with their own mother or not. I can't believe they would both be influenced by their aunts toxic behaviour and I'm sure they have a version of their own.

Unfortunately there is nothing you can but continue to have a healthy relationship with them both that you already are.

I imagine the dynamic with the sisters and her family helped a lot in her being in an abusive relationship. I imagine your step mum is holding up a mirror to them and they aren’t liking it.

The only thing I would suggest is keep the lines of communication open with her daughters. Ignore the sisters.

Be open, friendly, inclusive and inviting. Dont comment if they refuse invitations, just wish them well and try again.

If their experience is different to what the aunts are saying they might see through it.

They will have a different experience of their toxic childhood and need to make their own decisions and heal in their own way.

Thank you all so, so much. You’re bringing tears to my eyes with your kindness. I wish you were her family!! xx