Going to find this Christmas hard, any advice?

[user63212]

Just feeling a bit rubbish and would be grateful for some support.

My family are great but I find them less than understanding about me and my life. Any extended time together ends in a row and while I used to analyse it and get very upset, now I prefer to just accept that it is likely to get tense and to make my stay as short but as nice as possible.

This year my much younger sister (she is 25, I'm 34) is engaged. I feel very left out because im still single and would love a family. im happy fpr my sister but i know there will be many many comments about my ex's and why i broke up with them, when will i get married, why am i so picky (i dont think i am!). it wont all be focused on me like this, but there will be no sensitivity and i guess i know i just need to be strong.

as silly as it sounds, i feel like i am having christmas dinner with two couples!! my parents being the other couple! i know thats a silly way to think of it but it will feel that way. they all have each other and then it is just me.

im going to find it really tough and lonely and while i LOVE christmas and the festivities, i cant wait for this one to be over. that makes me feel sad but i just want it all to go away.

any words of support would be really appreciated.

You're only 34, you have plenty of time to meet someone lovely and have a family. Try not to feel that you are the gooseberry, dining with 2 couples, they are your parents and your sister and her bloke. Lots of people don't have anyone to share the festivities with.

Just relax.

Try to see the funny side. Play an internal game of bingo and score points/have a swig of wine every time someone says you're picky, when are you getting married, don't you want children and other insensitive stuff etc etc.

Tell them you haven't met the right person yet and when you do, they'll know all about it.

What other lovely plans do you have?
What aftercare can you put in place for when you get home?
Can anyone be on standby?

Been there got the t shirt x dont worry, it will be over soon xxxx

Can I just say though that I 'get' this. I understand why you feel the way you do. For different reasons there have been times in the past when I've felt the same way. I have two younger sisters and there's 4 years between each of us so quite a big gap between me and youngest and there's been times where I've felt left-out and inadequate. But you are not 'you' whether you have a partner or not. And it's no foregone conclusion that this won't ever happen for you, it's just not happened yet. Christmas really highlights sadnesses in our lives too. Sending love

How close are you your family? Head them off at the pass and tell them that your relationship status isn’t up for discussion. It is something that you want but it hasn’t happened yet and the speculation will just make you sad.

I remember one Christmas and my Aunt was probably going to interrogate my cousin. So we agreed in advance that when my cousin said the code word ‘Barcelona’, me and my sister would spring into deflect mode and change the subject. It was hilarious watching my Aunt becoming more and more confused by our bizarre conversation topic choices.

Cousin is In a long term relationship now and has kids but it’s still a game we play and developed over the years. One day we might let my Aunt in on the joke.

I met my DH when I was 34. 17 years on we have 3 kids and a very happy life. You never know what is around the corner.

sadly i cant confide in any one of them to support me if the topic comes up..the most likely thing that would happen if i did that would for them to talk behind my back and laugh about it...then later if the topic kept coming up and i eventually snapped, theyd all group together and say theyd talked about how they expected me to be dramatic and they knew this was coming...it just feels shit and ive learned that the better way is to try and not let me guard down at all with them.

its odd because i can have a laugh with them and i do like them as people, they just dont feel like people i can rely on emotionally and i feel SO anxious around them. i feel anxious today knowing i have to even be there, which is so sad and not something i could admit to them. i even have a knot in my stomach typing this.