Bf rarely if ever compliments me or notices what I'm wearing

[ghostmouse]

I'm trying to not get paranoid that's he's going off me, we've been together for 18 months and he's 50 and I'm 42.

He's brilliant in other ways, very loving and caring, holds my hand in public etc and we've made a lot of plans together and things do seem to be going well.

He just isn't demonstrative when it comes to actually saying I look lovely or wow sexy, he is quite reserved when it comes to making me feel nice. My confidence has always been low anyway

He did say he's not great with expressing his words sometimes and he doesn't want to get it wrong but honestly I could parade in front of him with sexy underwear and hed just go on about the traffic (true story)

Tell me I'm daft

Dh is the same. If pushed he'll say i always look great to him and saying it when I'm dressed up makes him feel like he's saying i look shite the rest of the time. He also doesn't notice clothes or underwear. I have given up on stockings etc as I'd actually have to point out I was wearing them for him to notice. Lol

But I like compliments when I make an effort. So now we have a rule. If I wear red lipstick (and point it out if need be) then my dh must compliment me on something I'm wearing and how hot I look.

I also text him on the way home from the hairdressers so he can tell me my hair looks lovely. Otherwise I could shave my head and he won't realise. Lol

I know it's not the same as a spontaneous compliment, but we both pretend that's what they are because he's a great guy who treats me well, is affectionate, loving, supportive and funny.

He told you this is how he is. But you want him to be different. If you want someone different, get another partner.

I take it you compliment him on his looks and appearance?

If he treats you right I see no problem.

Wearing sexy underwear and him going on about the traffic would concern me that he didnt find me attractive but if he shows in different ways I guess I'd be ok with it.

@Thingsdogetbetter i love your post. That's true compromise on both sides and it's adorable

Things you see I love that! I personally never like it when a partner compliments me when I make a secial effort, as I immediately think exactly what your DH said 'do I not look nice the rest of the time?"
Him saying you always look great is just what I'd want to hear from my OH.

I had a boyfriend and my previous one had utterly showered me with compliments. This one said nothing like that, I found it really weird. I think he was insecure about his own body so he tried not to focus on bodies, if you see what I mean, :/ Either that or he was just weird lol, he was a bit of a depressed stoner.

Thank you all for your replies.
Things..I love your reply too and it has reassured me a lot.

Shatnerswig I don't want him.to be different, but sometimes I just need to hear him say I look nice or notice what I wear sometimes. I've come from an abusive relationship where my confidence was shattered and my self harm was out of control so building my self back up again has taken a long time.

I tell him a lot that he looks nice and I notice different things he wears. He is a genuinely nice man

We did go out for a meal earlier and he did blurt out ooo you do smell nice and he likes my hair colour the way it is (I'm purple) so I guess the compliment giving is there somewhere.

Interestedwoman yes funny you should say that my bf does have some body confidence issues himself..He was very overweight all his life and has now slimmed down a lot, he's very active but he hates mirrors and has no confidence in his own body at all. I think he looks great and I tell him all the time I find him attractive but he changes the subject

He cant build you up, you need to do that himself.

As for begging for compliments it isnt compromises it's called being prodded and poked over time for them. The best complements happen naturally