Please can I have your honest thoughts

[Newyearnewmehopefully]

I’m just going to lay it out so I don’t drip feed.

I was with my boyfriend for a year. He broke up with me this year. It was a very painful breakup for me. 2 months later he got in touch and asked to be friends. I agreed and since then he messages me every few days and we’ve had long conversations on the phone and met up a handful of times.

On Tuesday I sent him a message saying I understood he’d moved on but I was finding it painful and I thought it best for both our sakes that we were no longer in contact. He said he understood. I then called him and he sobbed on the phone to me for an hour. I don’t even really understand why he was sobbing but he didn’t want want to get back together. At the end I said I would have to block him on everything if I wanted to move in and he agreed.

I’ve done that. I actually feel ok about the whole thing. I realised I want someone who loves me and wants to fight for me and be with me and if he doesn’t then that’s fine and I’m worth more than that. I guess I’m just confused though as to why he sobbed for an hour. I know he’s having a hard time at work and is tired and maybe he’s just over emotional. But I’ve never seen him like that before. I wonder if he does really love me but won’t let himself be with me as he thinks ultimately it won’t work out. Again that’s fine. I realise I just want someone who it’s not complicated with. But I guess I’m just a bit confused. And whilst I will not contact him again a part of me does wish and hope he’ll find a way to reach out to me.

I have no advice but hugs.

Its shit isn't it.
I'm one month post breakup (for the 2nd time). I know he still loves me. He knows I still love him. But we can't be together. I knew he was out drinking last night and was torn between worrying he would turn up at mine drunk and worrying he wouldn't. Emotions suck

Assuming he isn't being manipulative ... someone that disconnected from understanding their own feelings will make a horrendous life partner and drive your sanity into the ground.

Stick with the block. Find someone who can understand and act on their own feelings and who feels comfortable loving you. You deserve that for your life. He'll never change.

Google "avoidants". My guess is the "fearful" kind. Run like the wind.

He might simply be feeling sorry for himself ....

I think he's unintentionally using you as a bit of a therapist ...that definitely doesn't mean he's in love with you.
He's using you and wasting your time
He sounds like a mess.

Just because you can't be with someone or don't want a future with them, it doesn't mean you don't love them, maybe you just don't love them enough to continue the relationship. He's hurting but is sticking to his guns.

Block him, stay away, do fun things and create new memories.

It sounds as though he may have been upset about something else, or that everything that has happened to him recently has got on top of him?

Yes I guess either way it doesn’t matter really. Whatever it is he still doesn’t want to be with me so that’s that.

Oh well. I think I just feel all very numb to it now.

If he truly wanted to be with you he’d be with you

Ignore the tears.

It is awful feeling heart broken, happens to us all! Look after yourself.

It all sounds a bit dramatic. If you truly wanted to be together you would be so stop analysing and move on.

Honestly, your ex probably isn't doing it on purpose, but he is being extremely cruel. He's expecting you to nurse him through the breakup, and that's unfair, unreasonable and thoughtless.

You are no longer available to process his emotions for him. You will go to your Team You for support, and he needs to go to his Team Him. Many men expect women to do their emotional labour for them - but that is not OK.

Block him, and lean on your friends - you need to look after yourself now x

Yes I think this is all very true. I can’t be there for him now. He wasn’t there for me the first two months after we broke up and honestly I was surprised to hear from him again. I was also shocked he was crying so much on the phone. I think maybe he doesn’t know how to process his emotions but either way I feel that he thinks it would be too painful to try again but is maybe lonely and sad about his life.

I just want to move on now. I went through a horrendous period when he broke up with me and although I feel quite sad now about it I am so thankful I don’t feel in the pits of despair that I felt before. So I’m really hoping that in six months time I will be over this.

to all of you going through the same.

I think partly what helped conversely was hearing some emotion from him on the phone. He’s normally so unemotional about things. I do feel now that I want someone to want to be with me. I don’t want to have to convince them and that’s what’s making it slightly easier this time round.

I did learn a lot from my relationship with him. In all honesty I wasn’t in a great place for a relationship then as I was working through a lot of other issues from my long term relationship and I feel like I probably couldnt be as emotionally invested as I wanted to be. But in the last six months I’ve really worked through a lot of that and the issues from this relationship and I feel like now I’m in a much better place and finally now what I want.

If he really wanted you he'd be trying everything to make it work. He doesn't. He's crying for himself, you're right to block him and move on. All the best with it.

You did the right thing.. for You OP.

He probably doesn’t intend to be unkind, but his behaviour is poor. He’s treating you as a therapist. Definitely continue to avoid him. Good luck.

I have recently decided to end a relationship with someone for all the right reasons but if they caught me at the wrong time I might start blubbing.

Block him and don't keep trying to think into it.
I know it's confusing, but If he wanted you he would be with you, and you must accept that. He has made his mind up albeit upsetting for him too.

I think OP, as you say, you’ve learnt from this relationship and that’s a positive.

I don’t wanna teach you to suck eggs but having been in a similar situation with my ex husband (so many red flags I should have seen but I was determined to ‘save’ him because I was young and naive) I would honestly beg you not to get back with him.

I am now married to the most amazing man and it makes me really kick myself that I didn’t hold out for better when I should have in my younger days.

Please learn from my mistakes

Yes I’m feeling much more weary today. Just hurts I guess.