AIBU to be annoyed that he's ill?

[IamMaisie]

I'm pregnant - not in a so far gone things are hard way. I'm 4 months in and I'm just comoming out of that brick wall tiredness phase.

In the last 4 months I've quit vaping, haven't let a drop of alcohol past my lips and I've made a huge effort to look after myself and our baby - folic acid, eating right and trying everything to overcome this exhaustion and also bouts of insomnia.

Partner, who is generally lovely and supportive, has a demanding physical job. Long hours in the run up to Christmas. He also spends most of his evenings on his computer, Skips meals all the time. Never eats breakfast, rarely lunch and unhealthy snacks and wolfs down an enormous tea until he lies there groaning that he's too full.

We've had lengthy discussions about self care in the past.

I'm just starting to feel better and have more energu, it's a few days before Christmas and he's starting to constantly moan about how tired and shit he feels.

I snapped today and told him if he ate properly and went to bed before 2am he wouldn't feel so shit.

Apparently I'm un fair. Am I? Am I completely wrong by starting to think part of being an adult is looking after yourself and making sure you're fit for work and family life and not living like a student?

Ill probably be told very nicely later that I'm forgiven and he understands its pregnancy hormones. Which will probably make me feel quite murdery.

Is he a bit of a man child and envious all focus has been your way?
My ex was like that..

No, not like that. He is a bit of a man child but not in a selfish way usually.

He doesn't understand why I've started to see this behaviour as selfish - he thinks it's his body and he's entitled to mistreat it. He also doesn't believe that healthy food, more sleep and fresh air and exercise will have that much of an impact.

He says he doesn't see how making himself miserable will make him feel any better

he thinks it's his body and he's entitled to mistreat it

Well, I guess technically he's right. But he isn't entitled to a) whine like a toddler and b) have someone else (you) pick up the slack.

We've had lengthy discussions about self care in the past.

Look, you noticed he was like this before you got pregnant and you've decided to have a baby with him anyway. You're going to have to get used to him as he is. He gave you fair warning.

Having "discussions" has almost never caused anyone to change their behavior. I'm sorry someone taught you otherwise because its led you into a frustrating mistake.

Practice radical acceptance. Stop trying to control him and dont rely on him. Model good habits. If you're lucky one day he will want to participate in adult life. If not, you'll be strong enough to move on and find a non man child partner.

My partner radically changed his health habits over the last 18 months. It was based on watching my habits, and learning over time how sad I'd be if he died young. Nothing I said out loud would ever have convinced him.

I have a similar but much less extreme situation with my DP. He's 10 years older than me too and just wont accept that he should be looking after himself better.
One thing that did whip him into shape a bit was we had a agency come to our work and do quick health checks for things like BMI, cholesterol, body mass and visceral fat index, blood pressure etc.. etc.. that really opened both of our eyes more and mow we're much much healthier - could you suggest you both go for a check up (probably not as relevant for you as pregnant so your body's haywire!) But seeing some numbers on paper did really get through to my DP.

People generally don't like being told the error of their ways! He wants to eat shit and moan when his engine is failing. You pointing out that he can help himself is not what he wants, he wants you to pity him and play nursemaid and give him alll the attention. Don't.