My ex husband and I have been separated for over three years, our decree nisei is being read on Monday and we should be fully divorced by February (woo!) we split after 14 years together. He’s an alcoholic and a drug addict and although he was sober for 10 years he started again when I was 5 months pregnant with our son. Our relationship descending into two years of horrendous mental, emotional and financial abuse which has taken me two bouts of counselling to even try and process. Throughout it all I have let him see our son. He moved 300 miles away pretty early on and I have sent pictures, invited him to events and maintained contact with FaceTime the whole time. Despite this he still only comes to see him once a month, normally for about 4 hours and then he leaves. Whenever he comes down I go with them to whatever we do (soft play, park etc) trying recently to get him to do something that they do alone for an hour or so (DS normally starts asking for me after this amount of time). Trying to maintain the contact with his family (his mother is flat out the vilest, most evil woman I have ever met and blames me entirely for what happened) I took DS 300 miles up to see her for the weekend (she has no reason not to come down, she’s retired, loaded, drives etc just selfish) she ambushed me when I arrived and started telling me that I’m the reason her son doesn’t have a father son relationship with our DS, she’s going to take him on holiday next year for a week, I need to bring him up to visit his other family more etc etc. I stood up for myself and said I’ve never stopped exh from coming to see him, he’s the one who decides on the regularity of his visits, there’s no way I would let him go away with him as he’s never done a bed time since he was bored. I’ve told my ex if he wants to spend more time with our DS he needs to build it up over time so that he’s comfortable with him. My son sees his dad as more of a ‘fun uncle’ then anything else. He rang last week and asked to see him this Saturday, I said yes and he responded with “my mum said I should try and see him again “. I don’t feel I’m being unreasonable. He’s never taken responsibility for what he did to me or the awful situation he left me and his son in (including 30k debt as he took out loans in my name). I’m so angry. I just don’t know what to do.