Help me find some strength

[heartburnhelp]

Will try to keep it short.

I'm 20 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend was over the moon when we found out. We've only been together since Feb but we're a bit older and didn't want to hang around, and we were very happy.

After being back in touch with his ex he has realised that he still has feelings for her and he believes all the promises that she has made about changing the things that made him unhappy in their relationship.

I was shocked and devastated. We tried to work through it and he told her about the pregnancy but he's still not over it and I can't take the hurt anymore.

I moved three hours away to be with him and got a new job in the process. I have no idea where I would go or what I'd do if I left. I don't want to be a single mum.

We had plans for the future. He was so happy. I'm so broken.

Any advice?

Bumping...

So sorry this is devastating for you. Do you have family? If me i’d move back or move to where my family and friends are. It’s not so bad being a single mum actually....

I know it's terrifying being a single mum but it's not as dreadful as people often say it is.y confidence improved threefold and it made me realise what love really is.
I would suggest moving back to your home town or where you have friends and family for support if you can.
Your ex sounds like a flake so I wouldn't rely on him supporting you and the child in any way shape or form. Put yourself and your baby first. Better to have the support of people who love you than stay in the town you're in with only knowing your ex in the hope that he might support you. He won't. He's made it very clear he can't be trusted to make big decisions.

Thank you both for your replies. The only problem with going back to family is that I can't get to my new job (that I changed for him) and I don't go on maternity leave until April

Why was he ‘back in touch with his ex’? Red flag. I’m sorry this has to be tremendously upsetting, and has understandably shaken your confidence in him. By your comments he doesn’t sound especially trustworthy. Best wishes.

@Onthemaintrunkline it started when he went to pick up the last of his things (she kept them whilst he bought a house). I had no worries at all before that, but when he came back my world turned upside down. That was over 2 months ago now and we've been trying to work through it. He has been completely honest about how he is feeling the whole time...brutally honest in fact.

Crickey, this has to be majorly upsetting. Just when you need surety and support. I don’t know if ‘dithering ‘ is what he’s doing, but this can’t be doing you a whole lot of good. He needs to decide, he’s either stepping up with you in this parenting journey or he’s not. It’s a hard question to ask him, I get that, but at least then you will know and make plans accordingly. Best wishes

What a bastard! I suppose he could still be a good guy and have this happen to him, but still, it's awful for you :(

Hugs xxxxx

He met her to tell
Her about the pregnancy last week and to bring a close to all of this. I know that he hasn't spoken to her since. However today he feels 'sad and struggling'. I can't bring myself to talk to him about it but I can't take any more hurt. I've been looking forward to this Christmas break for so long and it already feels like it's been ruined. My heart is breaking.

Just wish I had the strength to walk away

Any man who tries to leave you fir another woman, whether you're pregnant or not, does not deserve a second of your time. I understand you have a baby on the way and that you want to be a family, but if he's thinking of leaving for another woman now, what's to stop him doing it again?

You shouldn't be a second option. You should always be number 1.

you've known him for not very long. its normal that this came up now.
it will be rocky.
you can only trust to yourself now.
going back to family is the peaceful option.