How do I know if I am a narcissist or being unfairly bullied

[whatisforteamum]

My head is fucked so I hope you can help.
.All my life I've got on well enough with work colleague s.I am not a sociable person and my working hours leave little to no time to socialise.This.is fine as I love my job and occasionally see my husband and grown up ds which makes it quality time.
I've had some minor health issues with.going through the menopause and I am finally on the right HRT.
My issue comes from work really.I am considerably older than my colleagues which has always been fine.I like their music and can relate to their interests having my own dcs
.The last month one that I've known over a decade has gone weird with me...bullying and gossiping with others after work.It has happened before about a year ago and blew over.
The young ones collude with him partly from a friend's after work thing and partly.from saving themselves from being picked on.
One of them is considering leaving as they can't take it.
I'm an old hand so I'm trying to tough it out.
It has got me thinking how do I know if I am a narcissist expecting that people will do what I want as I have decades more experience or if I'm picked on for being too nice which is what I've been accused of?
I have little RL support to know if I am even a likeable person.How do I know if it is me?

Simple a narcissist wouldn't ask or care

You are asking the question - which very probably means it’s not you that’s the problem !

I ask because.I think my dm was one.😓 we all have my anxiety issues.
Sometimes.I have to not care due to working i n a male dominated.environment or I would ve gone mad the last few decades.
Most colleagues and family have told me I am too caring/soft with people.I always excuse their behaviour.

expecting that people will do what I want as I have decades more experience

What do you mean by this? Do you value your experience over younger colleagues who might want to try new ways of working? How do you handle conflict or differences of opinions?

Narcisstic people tend to have a significant history of failed personal relationships because amongst other things they can't handle conflict. It is however much than than one single trait, such as feeling entitled, negative reactions to criticism and lack of empathy for others.
You mention that you have struggled with health/menopause, are you perhaps less tolerant than previously?

Yes perhaps emotionally exhausted and I do work 12 hour days.
The younger ones have around a years experience of one place.I have over 30 in several.
My bullying boss is on my case for not being more bullying with the newbies.
The gossip has now infiltrated so much that drinks are now being made by people excluding me.It is like being at.school!!
The the other department has no such issues with me.One of them keeps asking if I am ok.
I am trying to reevaluate my behaviour but I'm wondering if it is me.

I've been with my DH for 33/years.Like I say I don't get time for RL.relationships.

What is it you are asking people to do?

I oversee they have done their tasks correctly.Also if they don't leave the premises as.required on close down I have to take responsibility.
Only once a.week.
So one of my bosses is being odd with me if he perceives any faults.He is also on the case of one of the young ones.
He admits he was a school bully and was excluded sometimes.

Bless you. You sound very anxious. I’d say the fact you’ve been married so long makes you pretty likeable. Do your dcs like you? Bet they do.

Don’t go on what these people are saying about you. It really does sound like it’s them, not you. The person, who is asking if you’re ok definitely likes you. They are concerned for your welfare.

How big is the company? Perhaps you could take it up with hr if you have good, concrete examples.

I work hard myself.First in last out.

Big company.I have told my boss.He doesnt.want.to rock the boat while were.v busy over xmas.I think he would like a.young team himself.
My DS is like a friend as both work shifts and share our meals and day.He always comes to me for advice.DD left home however when she pops back we are like besties.She brings gifts and sweets for me.
My DS thinks I am bossy but knows I am very caring too.😊

I'm not sure, but what stood out to me was that you seem to work far too hard! Why are you always first in, last out? Why do you rarely see your h and dc? Why do you not have time for friends outside work? That's really unhealthy and you may be exhausted, which is making you overthink things. Can't you scale back the amount of work you do - just work your contracted hours? There is more to life, there really is.

I'd talk to HR.

It is the industry I am in.I love it I just want to enjoy it like I used to.I don't want to be taken advantage of or treated unfairly.

Definitely doesn’t sound like you are the problem. Can you move teams? Or move jobs? Your boss wanting you to be more gossipy is terrible.

On no my boss is gossipy he doesn't want me to be.
He wants me to be harder on the newbies.He has a boss above him.I was offered better paid work locally about two months ago
.The issue was.transport due to my menopausal anxiety I stopped driving.The job I have I feel is local so just the physical nature is tiring.Which I don't mind.
I just don't like being treated poorly or forced to move on because of one person.

Unfortunately adults can behave like idiots. I'm learning to ignore this sort of behaviour too at work, but it's so hard. I just have to remember the phrase 'hurt people, hurt people.' Sadly true.

Thanks twinkle.This would ring true.The main culprit faces Xmas working then home alone.His choice he doesn't like Xmas either.Meanwhile the rest of us have families to spend it with.
Also one other female colleague was mentioning how they speak about women.It is always in a very derogatory way.
Oh well let's get through Xmas and decide then.