Feeling lost

[hurtingheart19]

Me and my dp have been having a rough patch over the past few months and you know when you just realise they aren't happy?
I feel like I was rubbish for months and too caught up with work, it was the first year in a new career so it was a priority and I probably neglected other areas of my life. but then I realised how far he was drifting and I've made a big effort and I just feel lost and heartbroken that it isn't going to be enough. He just seems to have no love for me, and I can see that he isn't treating me well anymore, he will say things that aren't kind or make me feel like I can never be annoyed by things.
I don't even know why I'm posting or what I want anyone to say. I wish I could fix it, i would do anything to. but I think he is just too far gone and I feel lost.
I think I just want people to say it will be ok or that maybe in time with space maybe he will see?

I feel ridiculous , it's such a rubbish time close to Christmas and now I feel like shutting my eyes and just pretending none of this is happening

I would just get through christmas.Everything seems worse when others are having a great time.Don't be.too hard on yourself.
Reevaluate in 2020 and see if your relationship has just gone through a rough patch as they all inevitably do.

Have you both spoken about how you're feeling? It's really important to keep communicating.

thankyou for replying I've never posted before but read a lot and see the support and just felt desperate
yes maybe just get through the next few weeks and see.
we have spoken and that's the thing, he doesn't seem to feel anything. I just want some flicker that he hasn't given up but I think im hoping and not seeing what is there.
I can't help but blame myself

So sorry to hear that you are going through this OP - do you think this is about your reationship, or could he be unhappy more generally?

no it is definitely the relationship, and its so sad because we were so happy. I wish I could get him to see.
and I'm doing the opposite of the thing where I should just leave it and be cool and let him miss me. I think this was an attempt to distract me from just messaging him
but I don't want to have to convince him, you know?

Don't blame yourself, it takes 2 people to make a relationship work and you can't do it alone. You deserve to be treated well and it's concerning that he's saying unkind things.

If I were you I would focus on yourself, things that you love doing and all your other relationships. Like you say, you can't convince him - he has to get there himself. Sometimes pushing too hard can make people go further away. They sense the vulnerability and it becomes unattractive.

It may be that a bit of space and self confidence can help turn things around. Don't stand for any nonsense from him and call him out on anything unkind - he should respect you more for doing that.

thankyou so much
you are definitely right, I've spoken to a friend and my mum and both have been lovely and I'm going to shop and try and keep busy because there's really nothing more I can do.
It's so easy to see when it isn't you in the situation

Take time out or yourself and try and make yourself happy.

Watch some YouTube videos by Matthew Hussey, Alex Cormont, Susan Winters, Michael Groves Bernd.

They have some good relationship advice especially if he is pulling away.

Get through Christmas, and see what happens! 💐

I will definitely check those videos out

happiness feels so far away, but i know tomorrow rhings might seem different

thankyou for taking the time to reply