I've stumbled across ocpd when googling the sort of behaviours my dad exhibited during my childhood and through out his life. Inability to show affection, extreme orderliness, inability to self reflect, tantrums, rigidity of thought to name a few.
Dad has become worse as he has aged. He's had to go into a care home now as he cant walk which he found very difficult. He will not have a tv in his room preferring to read newspapers and write lists or just sit looking furious. I avoid visiting. I haven't been for weeks.
He still has nasty outbursts. He got angry because I walked too fast down the corridor. He's exhausting. Yet complains that we don't visit daily. We arranged for a befriender to spend time with him but he hates almost everyone and refuses to talk to her.
This isn't new, he's had few friendships and no one is good enough. He just wants me and my brother often even though we're both busy with work, children etc and are unable to and that time spent with him is hideous.
Because he has lost control of his life he is manipulative and rude and its very triggering for us because it takes us right back to how abusive he was when we were children and couldn't walk away. He has no idea we feel this way.
Not sure what I'm asking for. How do you cope with the absolute mental fuckery of coming to terms with an abusive childhood while dealing with them as an abusive yet frail and vulnerable elderly adult?