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Relationships

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Original poster

Was this my fault ?

16 replies

Taylorisme5 · 20/12/2019 10:32

I met a French guy through a friend. Just really felt a spark the first time I met him, I told my friend the next day and she replied saying that he had thought the same about me.
Then I saw him a couple of times at gatherings and such. I added him on Facebook and we started messaging every day, and he was being forward and flirty.

Then they had a house party at theirs. I can be quite shy so I got pretty drunk and I told him I liked him. He said he liked me too but he was really sad as he was moving back to France in 5 months' time so he didn't want anything .

He was saying, "you know I really like you, and if I were staying here I would have really liked to."
Then he asked me if I would still be staying there that night and said I could "leave my bag in his room" (I know 🙄).

I ended up spending the night with him,then the next morning he seemed a bit cold. He later sent me a text saying I had left a necklace. I told him he was a lovely guy and I really liked him, and his reply to that was absolutely nothing.
Anyway, I later said it was a shame that he was leaving as it would have been great to date. The whole vibe just seemed to have changed.
At this point, I should have moved on and stopped talking to him, but he carried on messaging. One day, I said I had just got in from the gym, and he said "I can tell you do squats". He then said I was "really pretty".

I saw him on a night out 2 weeks later and again he was flirty but didn't try anything. Then he said to my friend "she's a lovely girl but i'm just not interested. She put me off by being too full-on."

Obviously I was pretty hurt to hear this, but was I too full-on ? I was clear I liked him and maybe I did say quite a bit but if you feel the same, you would want them to say they liked you no ?
He was saying it all to me that night at the party, and I just feel like he's been very confusing, saying he liked me, then changing, then flirting now saying he's not interested.

OP posts:

Bouledeneige · 20/12/2019 10:37

He told you he didn't want a relationship. It doesn't really matter what you said or did. He just wanted sex.

onanothertrain · 20/12/2019 10:40

He told you he didn't want a relationship and you kept pushing. He just wanted a shag but you can't say he wasn't upfront with you.

Original poster

Taylorisme5 · 20/12/2019 10:41

That is true, I just feel like all that "you know I really like you" then the next day acting cold and uninterested was false.

OP posts:

Original poster

Taylorisme5 · 20/12/2019 10:42

Yeah, maybe I did. After what I said I stopped talking about it, but I shouldn't have kept messaging him. I guess I just found it misleading that he kept flirting then saying behind my back he wasn't interested.

OP posts:

sirmione16 · 20/12/2019 10:42

Agree with pp, he's flirty because he likes the attention. Only wanted sex out of it, that's it. He stated he didn't want anything serious - that's male talk for "I'm just looking to get my rocks off" sorry OP.

IdiotInDisguise · 20/12/2019 10:44

Never compliment a man who is not interested. If somebody tells you they do not want a relationship, believe them.

Original poster

Taylorisme5 · 20/12/2019 10:45

Yeah my friend said he probably feels 'flattered' that I like him as he finds me attractive and it's an ego boost.
On the night out there was another girl there who I noticed he was being quite distant with. My friend later told me that this girl and him had slept together on Halloween but then he had not been interested, and said she 'followed him up to his room'.
So maybe he has form for it.

OP posts:

IdiotInDisguise · 20/12/2019 10:45

And no, it is not your fault. He knew what he wanted (and not) from the get go.

Lllot5 · 20/12/2019 10:47

He told you from the get go he wasn’t interested in a relationship. You spent the night with him fair enough, but you can’t be surprised now that he doesn’t want any more.

Original poster

Taylorisme5 · 20/12/2019 10:47

That's true. Just find that hurtful telling my friend I 'put him off' if he never wanted a relationship to begin with 🙄

OP posts:

Lightinabottle · 20/12/2019 10:52

This happened to me recently too, OP.

I have realised that if I like someone enough to want to have sex with them, then I want to continue to have sex with them, iyswim.

I just think I'm not cut out for one night stands because it's rare I fancy anyone enough to sleep with them, so when I do I think I've committed (internally) to wanting more than just one night.

I find it really hard to understand when anyone is satisfied with just one shag and that's it!

But that's clearly what he wanted.

TellItLikeItReallyIs · 20/12/2019 11:22

Then he said to my friend "she's a lovely girl but i'm just not interested. She put me off by being too full-on."

He'd already told you that he wasn't interested in a relationship because he was going back to France in 5 months time. He's right.

What's the point? You aren't going to want to uproot your life to move to France. He doesn't want to stay here. All it would have been is 5 months of shagging which would have probably lead to you being emotionally involved and tears and trauma when you parted.

On the other hand, he could have 5 months of casual no strings attached fun sex with random women and skip back to France without a Greek tragedy unfolding.

It's a no brainer really.

So no you didn't put him off by being too full on. He wasn't interested in relationship anyway.

If you'd been up for no strings attached sex and also were a souless psychopath able to fuck someone you really like for 5 months and then wave them off with a smile on your face as if you were watching the launch of the QE2, maybe you could have had a 5 month sex fest. That was obviously not going to happen because you are a normal person with feelings and liked him.

It's all for the best honestly. Won't feel like it now, but you'll see it was in due course.

NameChangeNugget · 20/12/2019 11:23

Can’t see what he’s done wrong here.

Sorry OP

Palavah · 20/12/2019 11:42

the main message here is that he is not the one for you
he told you he wasn't up for a relationship and you slept with him knowing that - he didn't mislead you in that respect. (I'm not calling him a gentlemen, mind!)

Original poster

Taylorisme5 · 21/12/2019 08:10

Thanks for the replies. I think i'll just avoid him because he tells me i've got a 'nice ass' and i'm 'really pretty' and other crap, basically gives me a lot of compliments, maybe he just likes the attention. But yeah, i'd never be able to have some sort of fling and then just say 'ok bye !' at the end and switch off feelings. True he's been upfront. If he carries on flirting though i'll just tell him it's messing with my head.

OP posts:

Original poster

Taylorisme5 · 21/12/2019 08:12

He also told our friend that he 'really liked me' but he was 'shy'. Surely he would have told my friend he wasn't up for any sort of relationship before she tried to set me up with him. He also didn't tell me so until I was drunk and in his room (weakness on my part) but he could have told me beforehand. Even though he has been upfront, I feel he's been a little sneaky.

OP posts:

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