It's happened again

[allthebaubles]

I was trying to find my thread from last year and failed.

It's happened again. I've failed miserably to take onboard the advice I got last and I've fallen into the same pit.

Every year I invite my parents to Christmas, every year they say no, multitude of excuses - including this year they told me they were going away. I even invited them in January, got in early. They are what a surprise going to my sisters again.

I love them, I'm there day to day for things that happen, neither are in good health; but I find the refusal to come to mine for a single Christmas humiliating. My in-laws come every other year, I do a nice Christmas, My children ask why my parents never come, I lie to them and make excuses.

I'm feeling done, I just feel done, I don't want to stop my relationship with my parents, but they make me feel like shit every year. Is it normal to go to just one sibling for ten years in a row. I have a nice house, I have nice kids, I do a nice spread.... but they won't come.

Or should I just accept that this is how things are, and it is never going to change. I just feel done. Why should I do all the day to day stuff, the runaround, the hospital appointments etc, but my family is not good enough for Christmas Day ever. I know I live the closest but still why can't my family have that day?

Or am I just throwing my toys out of the pram and need to grow up because Christmas is not the be all.

Maybe they feel more of a duty to support your sister and feel that you have it all already and don't need them like your sis does?

@chuckles yep that sounds spot on, sorry to hear you are a shoveler as well (very apt description)... unfortunately I don't think these scenarios are that uncommon. And agree I need to smile but just be less available.

I'm going to have a lovely Christmas, with my lovely family and yes my house is nice, we do a lovely spread for Christmas.

I hope all you lovely people have a wonderful Christmas and New Year. Ps Thank you

Remind them in times of need who their golden child is.
No arse wiping for you op..

Why does your sister not invite you?

Do you have pets? My mum doesn't like eating or drinking round my house even though its really clean because I have a cat! I'm just wondering if they are OCD?

Mmmm nope got no pets, and ha ha ha my DSis inviting me. It's all a bit complicated and covered in decades of shite I'm afraid.

I wish I could have found my earlier thread, but this has been good for me - thank you, very cathartic - as I get gaslighted a lot by my parents....no you never said, no you never invited us. I've learnt to keep records of conversations, or to keep certain requests to email or text..as otherwise I do start to wonder if I've lost my mind.

I know this is very much a first world problem, and I'm extremely lucky to live a very privileged life. It's one I built for myself, after being thrown out of home on my DSIS recommendation... my crime being pregnant in my 20s and not married... I went from an upper middle class very religious home ... to a hell hole homeless hostel. And they wonder why I moved from the conservative family party line!!!! I saw so much pain, I was taken so far out my comfort zone and bubble. Yes I worked my arse back and now live in a very naice area and my money is my own.

But they all see me as me the poor relation. And honestly I'm done, I'm done trying to get them to accept me. I realised over the last couple of days I don't need their acceptance, they need me more then I need them. I'm the one that used to drop everything and run to fix things. No, I'll be polite but that door is now closed. I genuinely think I finally done.

Thank you - you really are lovely people

Really pleased for you just don't be there for them they sound awful and your sister is obviously the golden child.well let golden child pick up the shit......wishing you and your own family a happy and loving Christmas x

Stop trying.

Just stop.

Focus on your dcs. And on you and your dh. Forget everyone else.

Stop asking to be shat on every year by your parents.

You sound like an amazing person op.

A daughter to be proud of.

They are the problem. Not you.

Susan Forward Toxic Parents is a good starting read.

Don't ask them ever again.. pair of entitled prats... do not be available to them OP..