Why won't he commit?

[OLDater]

Evening all!

So I've met a guy I like online..
It's probably been about 8 months since we first started talking and we have met up for various dates (6 I think)

However, he always leaves it so long before the next date - (6 in 8 months is not great is it) however he messages me every single day (he initiates it probably 80% of the time) and we get on really well.

My problem is, why text me every day if you aren't interested on going on dates and taking it any further?
Do men just like the attention from chatting to women all the time?

He is on every dating site going, POF, Tinder, Match, Bumble.. you name it, he's probably on there and he adds many beautiful young women to his Facebook every week so I am in no doubt he meets them online and then adds them.. yet he is chatting to me most nights, so I don't know how he is physically dating them.

I feel like I am completely wasting my time on him but I do like him and I do want to see him again and see if it can progress any further!

Any thoughts?

Short answer - he’s just not that into you. If he was, he’d make an effort. Sorry OP.

What happens if you suggest a date? Does he make excuses?

I agree, but why keep messaging me every day?

If I suggest a dare, he agrees but then it doesn't happen for a good couple of weeks (I have a DS so I'm also only available on certain days)
He would make more of an effort if he was interested wouldn't he.

Blunt answer is , i agree, He’s just not that into you.

If he was he would be asking you out more. Having someone to reply to and to talk to when bored on ur phone is nice. Move on.

Sorry, but he is probably messaging all of them every day.

Because he doesn't want to presumably OP, if he did he would. Instead he is using you for company (as you provide it) and presumably text back, make effort, make him feel good by making it clear you like him- meanwhile he is looking for a better option and browsing what's on offer so to speak.

You can do better OP- I'd just block him and move on. All the time you're indulging him ypure maintaining feelings that will prevent you from moving on elsewhere and will chip away at your self esteem.

He is dating and shagging loads of women. He talks to you every day because (I've no doubt) he likes you, but it is mainly to keep you on the leash for his next shag with you. Sorry. You're just one of many.

He might just like the attention you give him OP but isnt serious about actively dating you. There will definitely be someone else out there who will snap you right up :)

Thanks all - I knew all of that really but sometimes you need the world of MN to be upfront with you & tell you straight

Puppet on a string springs to mind... he's playing the field and likely messaging countless people.. every day

you deserve WAY better Lady .. I hope you find it

I think a big issue with this kind of situation is that if you act like this is OK, then the man thinks you don't have problem with it.

You like them more than they like you. You look forward to seeing them and spending time with them, hoping for a next date and some enthusiasm but it never comes. It makes you feel not worthy and a bit rubbish.

He on the other hand assumes that all the women he is seeing are doing the same thing and are fine with it because they are putting up with the sporadic dating and don't say anything.

The woman worries that by saying anything she will look uncool and a bit psycho or over keen so keeps on saying nothing.

Before you know it, its six months or a year later, the woman is overly emotionally invested and beating herself up about why this perfect man who likes her, seems to find her attractive and enjoys her company isn't interested.

It's very common sadly. Not sure what the answer is. I wonder if it ever happens that a man who was just not that into you at first does later become into you? Law of averages says it must do but it must be the exception not the rule (as in the film He's Just Not That Into You)

He's shagging and messaging lots of women. You think he doesn't have time but he really does

DorothyParkersCat has it absolutely spot on. Let him go and invest your time in someone who is treating you with respect.

I wasted 6 months of my life on something like this..... It left me with a proper dent in my self esteem as well.

Don't go for the "let's stay friends" thing either. That's another cheap shot of keeping you around to use you when he feels like it.

The problem now with modern dating is that a lot of guys don't commit becauSe they want to pick and choose the parts of a relationship that they want without the commitment..... And some of us are allowing it.

Know your worth and don't let him treat you like this. I'd rather be alone than be with someone who treated me like one of many in the queue.

Bin him x

@DorothyParkersCat thanks, that's really put it into perspective. So true.

I feel like I am completely wasting my time on him
Well then stop doing it!!!!
It's obvious from your post he isn't that into you.
He is messaging and dating multiple women.
Please have some self respect. Dump him and focus your energies elsewhere!

Just re-read your opening post!!!!
What would you advise a friend?

He's just not that into you.

You deserve someone who can't wait to spend time with you. Block him. You don't need to discuss it with him - if he were going to have the scales fall from his eyes it would have happened already. Just block. And enjoy a lovely Christmas and get yourself back out there.