Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Looking at a local escort site for just the pictures?

53 replies

Pirateladyarrr · 19/12/2019 19:46

Any men on here ever do? That or women ever been in a relationship with a man and found out he'd been looking at local area escort website but been told it was only to look at the pictures for self pleasure material only? My stbh swears down it was only to look at the pictures

OP posts:
firstimemamma · 19/12/2019 21:22

Is 'stbh' short for 'soon-to-be husband'??

I'd be questioning the whole relationship tbh!

Deadtome · 19/12/2019 21:27

Hadn’t spotted that - thought they were already married - if you’re not then please, please, please do not.

Gemma1971 · 19/12/2019 21:34

Nope. He was looking for a prostitute, sorry OP.

Found out my ex was looking for local swinger clubs. Denied, denied, denied, even when I showed him his history. Said it was a colleague, his friend borrowed his phone. Said that about the dating site too.

I ditched him. I tried to believe him but it kept coming up over the course of the subsequent 8 months and he was abusive in other ways.

Know your worth. He was cheating or planning to do so. No excuses, kick to kerb.

Meowwwww · 19/12/2019 21:35

I think bringing up stuff after 8 years is a bit daft. Either you forgave him or you didn't. Has he it done again? Do you think he may of slept with a prostitute then or since? Has he been unfaithful? Is he a good partner? These are the questions you need to ask yourself.

Gemma1971 · 19/12/2019 21:40

Meowwwwwww sometimes people forgive something horrible, but it bites them in the arse at some random point later on and they realise it still bothers them. Human beings are not black and white creatures.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/12/2019 21:43

Is your ex?

He didn't look to avoid spam. Escort websites are usually bundled in with porn when it comes to ad categories, so you'd see the same ones. He looked at it because he was considering booking a prostitute, even if it was just a fantasy and he didn't intend to go through with it that time.

The fact that this happened, and he can't admit the truth, and it's causing arguments - that doesn't bode well, if you're still together.

DBML · 19/12/2019 21:51

Hi op,

You clearly didn’t trust your bf then and you don’t now.

The answer is yes, he may well have been looking at a local escort site without intention of meeting anyone. I have got into moments where I’ve scoured FabSwingers in my local area or looked at local sites, to nose. I actually don’t get off on this or anything, but I somehow am fascinated by all the freaky people who live near me. I imagine someone looking at my browsing history would find that difficult to believe though. He may well have been just looking...or he may have been looking to meet up. We’ll never know and neither will you.

So it’s been eight years and what type of bf has he been? Has he given you any other reasons to be suspicious of him. Porn aside.

If he’s been a good partner, then I’d forget it now, it’s been so long and you made a choice to stay with him, so you have to let him go.

If over the years he’s txted other women, been caught flirting, looked more at escorts etc...then my advice is that it’s cheaper to get rid of a stbh than a stbeh.

Good luck

waterSpider · 19/12/2019 21:53

Man here.
Yes I've also looked at such sites (such as adult work) for the images, with no intentions of going any further.

JazzyJelly · 19/12/2019 22:37

Can I ask the men who looked at these sites with no intention of using the services offered, what did you think your partner would think if s/he found your internet history?

bluehairandheartbroken · 19/12/2019 22:47

@DBML are/were you in a relationship at the time you used to spend time on FabSwingers? (genuine question, I'm not trying to be a knob)

bluehairandheartbroken · 19/12/2019 22:47

*If he’s been a good partner, then I’d forget it now, it’s been so long and you made a choice to stay with him, so you have to let him go.

If over the years he’s txted other women, been caught flirting, looked more at escorts etc...then my advice is that it’s cheaper to get rid of a stbh than a stbeh*

This

DBML · 19/12/2019 22:55

@bluehairandheartbroken

Haha! No worries.
I’ve been with DH nearly 25 years, married 12. I was browsing the locals about three weeks ago!

No interest in them sexually, just being a nosy bugger after finding out about the site not too long ago on Mumsnet. Sometimes curiosity does just get the better of you.

DBML · 19/12/2019 22:59

@JazzyJelly

And women.

I’ve always been open and honest with my husband and never given him reason to doubt my commitment to our marriage. I suspect he’d ask what I was doing looking at FabSwingers, but I also think that he would believe me completely when I explained my reasons for looking. If he asked me not to look again though, I wouldn’t.

Original poster
Pirateladyarrr · 20/12/2019 08:07

Thanks for everyone's replies, and thanks to the few men that answered saying they've gone on websites like that just to look but take it no further.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 20/12/2019 08:13

There's plenty of porn online, you don't need to be on local escorts pages. In answer to your other question op, yes you're a mug. Why didn't you dump him 8 years ago?

Idontkowmyname · 20/12/2019 08:14

I would seriously consider a sexual health screening as a precautionary measure just in case he has engaged the services of an escort(or another woman).

Gardai · 20/12/2019 09:58

8 years ago OP ? You should have put that in your post really.

YouJustDoYou · 20/12/2019 10:01

He was horny, and wanted to see who was in the area he could pay to fuck. He's making excuses. Don't fall for it.

nocluewhattodoo · 20/12/2019 10:09

If he's only ever slept with you, and you've had more partners I would bet he was feeling emasculated by that hence seeking out escorts. The pictures on those sites would do nothing for a porn addict used to hardcore videos. If you believe him based on the testimony of a few internet randoms you're a fool.

JustASmallTownCurl · 20/12/2019 10:14

The pictures on those sites would do nothing for a porn addict used to hardcore videos.

Yeah this too. The pictures will be so much tamer than those super, super accessible ones on porn sites. Because the spam thing is bullshit - even the men on this thread who have done this have said they did it for curiosity (Hmm) not to avoid spam.

peonypower · 20/12/2019 10:56

I think the spam excuse means he's lying.

If he'd said curiosity I'd have believed him. Because I've done that (as a straight woman) because I was nosy as to what a prostitute in a small UK market town even looked like. It just seemed so bizarre that they would even exist in say, Dorset. (I'm not in Dorset).

Patroclus · 20/12/2019 14:33

I had a look once out of curiosity, but then I arnt a man.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 20/12/2019 14:37

He is a cracking bullshitter. It was a long time ago, has he stopped?

Original poster
Pirateladyarrr · 20/12/2019 15:43

I don't actually know if he's stopped looking. Actual porn websites I can handle but not prostitution or hookup websites. Hopefully he's stopped. He said after that time 8 years ago that he'd never look at that sort of website again. I've taken his word for it

OP posts:
Original poster
Pirateladyarrr · 20/12/2019 15:45

It's interesting that I have gotten a few answers from men who have only looked and gone no further which has put my mind at rest a bit

OP posts: