For some women, it's really important that they see the bad behaviour in their partnership as abusive. It's probably saved the lives of a few of them, and led to many lightbulb moments. However, on the flipside, sometimes I'm concerned that there is too much emphasis on framing something as abuse or not abuse. I feel some women are actually seeking permission to leave, but they won't do so because they don't or can't define their relationship as 'abusive'. I'm concerned they're not getting the help they should be getting because they're clicking past everything with 'abuse' on it thinking 'that's not me'.
You don't have to frame something as abuse in order to seriously reconsider your relationship. It actually doesn't even need to be about that (unless you think you might be in danger in which case it's really about that). You just need to ask yourself -
'how do I feel around this person?'
'do they bring more positivity into my life than they do negative?'
'do I feel more relaxed when they're gone?'
'do I often dread seeing them?'
'what's the atmosphere in the house like when they're present?'
'do we enjoy spending time together?'
This is about your mental and emotional health. As awful as being single might be to some people, consider that you might be genuinely better off emotionally without them. The time that you don't have with them will be time you can spend expanding your life or taking care of yourself in some way. If you have kids, I completely appreciate that it can be very complex, but again, it doesn't have to be abuse or you don't have to define it as such to leave.