Hello!
First time poster here but love reading all forum stuff, there is always a thread I can totally relate too!!
Anyway, my husband and his brother have never been close, I have been told that they were extremely close when they were younger, then drifted apart as they got older. I understand that this happens and not everyone is close to their sibling but I totally feel for my husband.
He has often said that he wishes him and his brother were closer and how he is slightly envious of the relationship I have with my sister as we are so close and wishes he had that with his brother.
in the whole 9 years of knowing my husband I have probably had less than 5 conversations with his brother - I never see him! when my husband lived at his parents house his brother would keep to himself and never make an effort to speak to me or get to know me, despite me being in their house for the full weekend etc.
Anyway fast forward and me and my husband moved in together 3 years ago - my husbands family (dad, mum, gran, grandpa) & my family helped with us with moving in as the last owners left a lot of crap. His brother didn't even offer to help and didn't.
His brother came to our house for the first time when I invited him and his family for dinner, and he only comes over when he is invited (which is about every 6 months or so).
I am annoyed as my husband has always helped him out whenever he has needed home improvements and has spent a lot of time doing this but when it comes to our house only his dad helps which bugs the hell out of me. I know my husband well and he probably hasn't asked his brother to help but its the fact that his brother never offers or makes the effort.
For our wedding my husband didn't even want to ask him to be bestman but I thought that would be the end of their relationship so I said he should and that he could have two best men (brother and best friend).
His brother was also a best man at another wedding which was a few weeks before ours and all he spoke about was how busy he was with planning the stag do's but went it actually came down to it he didn't organise anything for my husband and his other best man had to organise everything at the last minute as his brother wasn't responding to messages or emails despite saying he would organise the whole thing!!
the thing that really annoyed me is that his gf has invited her mum, dad and sister over to their flat a few times for dinner but never invites my husband despite the fact that we have had them at ours for dinner before. So I decided that I wouldn't invite them to the house anymore, if my husband wants them there he can invite them but I wouldn't be extended the invite, so I haven't. However, when I have invited his mum and dad to things they have been automatically extending the invite to them, which has really pissed me off as why doesnt the invite ever get extended to us for their house?
Also, my brother in law works off shore every three weeks and will not be home this Christmas - my husband messaged him asking if he wanted to get a pint and catch up Tuesday before he goes off - which he agreed to (I was shocked!!) but then he texted my husband at 4am saying he was still drunk and then never responded to any messages the next day, so they didn't meet. My husband doesnt say this but he was really hurt.
I dont really care that we dont speak because we haven't ever but I am angry for my husband as he goes out his way and helps him with so much just to have it thrown in his face - I have told him not to put so much effort in and he said he doesnt want to stop making an effort as he knows his brother wont.
We also got a puppy a few months ago and his brother kept saying to his mum and dad that he was excited to meet the dog and come round (which again, I thought was odd) - again, I didn't invite him to meet our puppy as he doesnt speak to me or my husband! But again, his mum and dad extended the invite so he came round. Ever since meeting the puppy he keeps asks his mum and dad how she is and for pictures but never asks me or my husband.
I probably sound bad for not inviting them around anymore but I'm fed up with having them over when we do, cooking for them, providing alcohol etc. and never being invited to theirs. me and my husband have been to their flat once since they moved in 6 years ago and they only live ten minutes from us. Also, my husband can invite them round if he wants, I've just stopped messaging them about things because that's the only time they speak to me!
I used to really like his gf but I have invited her to a few things and she always has an excuse not to go... but I stopped that as she hasn't ever asked me to do anything.
sorry for the rant but I dont know what to do...
I have thought about asking his mum not to invite his brother when I haven't but thought that was childish. I just wish his brother would acknowledge my husband and actually speak to him.
Is this uncommon or does anyone else have this issue with their in laws?!
Sorry for rant, I defo needed that!!
thanks x