Many of you may know that I have had an ongoing situation regarding the welfare of my 12 year old son when he was living with his mum & her boyfriend who was / is on methadone. A few developments have happened since my last update & I could do with some more advice please. Her boyfriend was admitted to hospital last week with breathing problems. I have been reliably informed that it was as a result of smoking crack cocaine. His mum has not seen my son for 3 weeks due to various excuses & I allowed him to visit her for 2 hours on Tuesday. All she did when he was there was ask him if he would want to go back if she told her boyfriend to leave. She also said to him that he has had 8 months to tell her that he wanted her boyfriend to go but he didn’t. I found this to be an extremely unsuitable thing for her to say to him. My son has been living with me full time now for approx. 3 months & she is still claiming Child benefit & she recently blocked a claim I had put in. As I have said in a previous post, I do not need the money & it isn’t about that. It is the fact that the money is supposed to be for my son & she is taking it away from him & committing fraud. I think she has also informed the council that my son stays with her on a weekend so that she is entitled to a 2 bed house.
I spoke to his older sister last night who is in her mid 20’s & lives elsewhere. She confirmed that her mum is badly in debt & smokes cannabis daily. He mum is borrowing money from extended family & it appears that she is using food banks. I can only assume that any money she has is going on drugs. I explained to his sister that her brother is best off living with me for his own mental & emotional health & she agreed. My son doesn’t like going to his mums & he will only go if the weather is fine & he can play outside with his mates.
I have now been told that his mum is about to kick her boyfriend out today which obviously is good but I now am worried that she is going to think everything is fine & she will try her hardest to get my son to want to go back. His sister has said that she is going to help her mum build back a relationship with my son. I said that while this sounds positive it isn’t just as easy as that. In my opinion even if this guy is chucked out my son is still best of living with me until she gets some professional help with her mental health & financial issues. My son has said to her that he still doesn’t want to live there even if she did get this guy to leave. The reason for this is because she has lied to him over some horrendous things & she manipulates him. She has been known to regularly take amphetamines on a Friday when my son was staying with me but the comedown off of them would last until Tuesday / Wednesday. During this time she would act like a different person, stay up late, play loud music etc & my son started to notice her odd behaviour. She obviously denied anything was happening to my son & I when I questioned her. The amphetamine taking appeared to stop however maybe I just didn’t witness it or maybe she had switched to something harder with her boyfriend. What is for sure is that she often self-medicates for her poor mental health.
Also, I cannot see this guy leaving quietly. He has already shown that he is controlling & manipulative. I am still thinking of seeing a solicitor to see what they say. As I say it is fantastic that she is getting this guy to leave but its only the tip of the iceberg. I truly believe if I was still financially supporting her & I was allowing my son to be there she wouldn’t be chucking this guy out. I think she’s hit rock bottom & realised the mess she has got herself into, but I don’t want my son to be part of any more of it. I have told his sister to tell her mum that under no circumstances do I want my sons mum to tell my son about her kicking this guy out until things have calmed down. My ex is under the impression that by kicking him out everything is going to be hunky-dory again.
I just don’t want my son to have this added pressure. If he knows that his mum has kicked this guy out, he may feel like he should give his mum a chance & start to stay there. Do I just stay strong & firm & say nothing is changing until she proves she is free of this guy & is getting help for her mental health & financial situation? Plus as I said earlier. This guy cannot be trusted & I cannot see him just staying away from her house & I cant have my son there when there is a possibility of him going around kicking off. I told his sister that it might be a good idea to ask advice from the police.
Any advice please?