We have been together 33years teenagers when we met l did fall in love with him but was desperate to get away from home we have done well my childhood was difficult my aim in life was to have a family and give them everything I didn’t have unconditional love good education stable parenting holidays lovely home we have achieved this my ideas plus joint hard work Pom the outside it all looks good kids growing up one young one 3 married settled and one at uni problem is everything else really he has always been controlling from day one always had bad temper can never ever talk just shouts I have no freedom he had to know we’re I am and what I’m doing 24 7 he is jealous of his own kids if one of them gives me a cuddle he will turn it into snargumrnt later when they are gone he’s so manipulative will say one thing to the kids and then put it on me hates me going out without him I’m walking on eggshells and can tell by his footsteps when he gets home how it’s going to go everything has rdculatef over the last few years he also had a fling when my kids were young if someone knocks over a drink he’s hesterical anything can set him of I never know from one day to the next how my day will be always tried to make the best of what it is for the kids they have seen plenty but again he’s careful when he does things and can easily make it look like me he is a master at that there is to much to list he has had outbursts in front of people addmitedley he’s very careful who it’s in front of I suppose it’s got worse because I have a 4 year old and I’m doing again what I did with the boys he screamed at her tonight just because she cried because he caught her hair he then turns nasty her and me you sort her out tucking kid etc and I’m doing what I have been doing for 28 years of parenting telling her daddy didn’t mean to he’s tired blah blah calming her down etc if that wasn’t bad enough I have slipped disc am in agony so couldn’t even pick her up to cuddle her she’s crying for him he couldn’t gives shit sitting here as backs agony want to get out I know I must he also controls all money I have no access only one card that he controls I know it’s bad but I have become a pathetic weak shadow of a person who just puts on an act every day I did leave him for 2 months 8 years ago he phoned friends and anyone that would listen saying the most awful things about me and I mean really awful he even managed to convince my eldest disown about what he was saying about me my middle ones didn’t believe him and see what he is like but it has changed my relationship with my eldest I think because he was never close to him and he used that to pull him in he always resented how close I was to all of my boys do he took this popular and did what he always does I day ont know what to do we have a good life on the outside I have no family as in parents but my best friend who had been there with me since I was 8 totalling supports me and one of my boys girlfriends who had almost lived with us for the last 5 years has witnessed just about everything it’s like he shows of in front of her I have her full support and even though she is only 25 she gets it and doesn’t know how I put up with it why even when you know it’s all so wrong is it so hard to make that break my youngest son who’s at uni I know will be devastated his dad does blow up at him but also spoils him money etc to keep him on side I’m not stupid I look around my home and the pictures are everywhere all the memories but behind every smiling pic I remember his melt downs or shouting or how he ruined so many things over the years but I think the kids just remember the good bits I’m just worried are they going to hate me for them losing their family unit beautiful house they have grown up in I just feel so trapped and scarred to start it all but also desperate too