Partner lying about cannabis use

[Freshair89]

Hi
First time poster here and I’m a bit of a mess so excuse me if I ramble.
Short version is I’ve been with my partner 3 years. When I met him he smoked weed, he lied about the extent of his habit but by the time I knew I was already dumb and in love, although he knew I wasn’t happy about it I tolerated it.

We moved in together this year and he agreed he would stop smoking weed when we did and he did! I was so happy. He had wanted us to try for children for a while and I always said we would when he kicked the habit.

I am now 8 weeks pregnant.

I’ve recently noticed he has been very guarded of his phone and doesn’t ever let me alone near it, managed to take a look and low and behold there’s all his messages to people about picking up weed.

I am so upset about being lied to. I’ve noticed he has had no money lately and we’ve had chats where he has said he will start saving for the baby (I am good for money but don’t want to be paying for everything) but he was messaging his dealer today.

He used to spend 400 a month on it, I dunno what he is now.

Is it just my pregnancy hormones that are making me this upset? What would you do?

I haven’t said outright I’ve seen the messages but I’ve said I know he has been lying to me and shut myself upstairs ever since.

That wasn’t short at all, sorry!

Has he tried to come to you since you've locked yourself away?

It changes things being pregnant. If you weren't, I'd say what's important is that he is lying. Not what he is lying about. LTB.

I would just talk to him. Why is he being secretive about this? Can he stop? Does he actually want to stop or was he saying it to please you? How much is he spending?

Get the answers and then think what to do.

@StayClassySally thanks for the reply. No he hasn't come up to see me at all he is just sat downstairs watching tv. At one point I went down for a glass of water..hoping he would say something to me but he just ignored me.

He is not one to admit when he is wrong but he hasn't lied to me about something this big before, as you say if I weren't pregnant this wouldn't be as much of an issue for me (I'd still be hurt but wouldn't be questioning everything).

Those are some good points you've raised I'll ask him tomorrow once I've calmed down a bit

Hopefully, you can have an adult conversation and solve it rather than a domino effect. Keep us updated.

He sounds childish.

@StayClassySally thank you I will!

Did you speak to him?

So he’s prioritising weed over you and the baby. What a prince. What are you going to do?

I’d leave him. Absolutely would zero tolerance for me.

I would consider the relationship as being over. He has and will continue to prioritise weed over you and in turn his child.

If you do go onto keep the baby I would give this child your surname rather than his.

Hopefully he will pay maintenance and not spend all his money on weed.

Is it the money, the way he is when he’s stoned or the fact he’s lied that hurts the most?

So I have a big update to this story!

When I got in last night from work, he didn’t say a word to me, no sorry nothing. So I thought let me get my facts straight and find out everything I can before confronting him. So I went through his messages and found he has been texting local prostitutes!

From the texts he doesn’t seem to have gone through with it, just asking if they are working today - one he gave our postcode too before eventually saying no.

At first he denied it before I showed him the proof. Then his excuse is he just got carried away with a fantasy and there was no intent to actually do anything.

Apparently this was the wake up call he needed, which is obviously what they all say. I never thought he was someone to do this, his dad wasn’t in his life and has always so adamant he would be the best dad, but has done all of this whilst knowing I’m pregnant.

I’m trying to keep calm and I’m going away to my parents for Christmas but worried about the stress effect on the baby.

Wow. What a massive update. So are you leaving him? What a dick.