what the fuck else can i do? is this it

[user63212]

Why can't I find anyone I like?

I've done all of these things:

Been open minded and dated people I wouldnt typically be interested in
Been less open minded and only dated people I thought would have some sort of foundation for a relationship
Been casual about dating rather than being "too serious"
Been direct about what I want to sift out time wasters
Joined clubs and an evening class
Taken a break from dating and focused on other things
Travelled, alone and with friends
Focused on dating and met a number of people for a quick drink rather than a full saturday night date
Committed to full saturday night dates
Given things a chance to progress on various occasions, hoping something would grow
Considered whether I just am not really the commitment type and deleted all dating apps only to feel immensely lonely a few weeks in, reminding me that yes I do want to find someone
Asked friends to introduce me to people
Been chatty on public transport and generally sociable and accepting of invites to things
Taken breaks from dating entirely
Had therapy and discussed relationships in those sessions - nothing significant to come out of that
Got on with my own life all of this time, bought a house, progressed at work etc

What the fuck else can i do? am i destined to be alone? is that just me? It doesnt matter who i meet, eventually I get sick of it and call it off. i've been doing this now for two years! the last two christmas i told myself the next would be different. i have friends who have divorced and met someone else in this time!!! it doesnt feel fair (i know life isnt fair but still, i need to say it).

so fed up and feel like this is it.

Maybe you could make some wonderful travel plans for next Christmas.
Then you’ll either have a great holiday, or sometime during the year you’ll meet someone lovely who will “ruin” your plans.

What makes you get sick of it and break it off?

Relationships take a lot of patience and pushing yourself not to give up sometimes (Unless there violence or abuse) - even in the honeymoon period, there will be moments of "fuck this" but a relationship takes a degree of work.

thanks cake i have already done that, only last weekend i booked three trips for next year. i have things in my life i love and enjoy but for some reason i cant find that someone to share my life with. i dont think i am doing anything wrong which only makes me think that i am destined for this

cream5 it isnt really that i feel "fuck this" but more that i slowly lose interest. im not sure why. i have had long term relationships in the past and that is what i am looking for.

i dont feel particularly excited to see someone and after 5/6 weeks of a date or two per week, i start to feel mean for carrying it on, when they are clearly becoming invested.

Maybe apply feng shui to your bedroom?

I'll see your two years and raise you like, another five xD. I get along well with ppl but even serious friendships seem hard to come by, let alone relationships. I put it down to city living. Everyone seem to always be looking for the 'bigger better'.

You sound like you are doing all you can so don't beat yourself up. Two years isn't a long time to be single.

I was just thinking watching 'the undateables' last night that ppl on there have met and got engaged on there in amount the time since I last went on a friggin date! Depressing thought!

I'm sure you won't be alone forever, heck I'm sure even I won't and that's saying something lol. But in the mean time maybe concentrate on other things. Whatever will be will be.

I doubt this helps but you sound lovely.

thanks for the kind posts.

URGH I feel shit tonight.

sod christmas too!

Agreed, Christmas can right royally away and fk itself. I'm staying in avoiding the world for it in front of the TV with some wine.

You haven’t really talked about what the issue is
Who are you meeting? Why isn’t it going anywhere? You need to clarify the actual dates you are getting

What do you want from a relationship? What stage of life are you at?

How old are you?

I've been single for 4 years now, by choice. I am working on me , they say if you are happy to be the kind of person you want to date, you are ready for dating.

I wouldn't want to date me, I'm a fucked up little bunny, so I'm a work in progress!

There sounds like there might be some self sabotaging going on.

Or the Universe is waiting to send you that special someone at just the right time.

It doesnt matter who i meet, eventually I get sick of it and call it off.

THIS is the nub of it.

Forget 'trying everything' with dating. You're doing that and it's working as you are meeting people. That's NOT the issue.

I think you need to sit down and think through exactly what you really want from a relationship and for the future. Because there is I think a disconnect between what you think you want, or think you should want, and what makes you happy in your gut.

DO you want to live with someone else or deep down are you actually really happy living solo? Because it sounds as if you just are not that interested in re-setting your life to include someone else longer term. What are the other bits of your life like - friends, family, work? If you're very content with those, is that actually stopping you wanting to make changes?

It's easy to say you've just not met the right person yet but it seems to be more than that when you're losing interest in every single one after a while. So examine the men. Have there been ones you've clicked with intellectually but not physically? the other way around? who was the one you faniced most/enjoyed the company of most? Examine WHY you think you went off each of these people.

If you can honestly say that you have not really met someone you actually felt a strong physical/emotional pull to AT ALL, could you possibly be gay?

Lots of things to think of - but bottom line is your post above is missing the point. Dating scene is there to let you meet people. Everything you've done has done its job, you meet them. BUT you don't want them. The answer is inside your head.

Sounds like you are doing plenty to me - and done well with your home and career. Seems you really push yourself hard, which isn't a bad thing, but makes me wonder if your disappointment might partly be because your expectations are so high. Not that you should lower them all - maybe just the time frame? Two years doesn't sound long to me, if you've actually been meeting people in that time.

I might be a weirdo, but in my experience, whether or not I have stronger feelings about someone depends not just on what they are like, but also on me - whether or not I decide I have a good feeling about them, whether I spend time thinking about them, e.g. looking at photos and reflecting on what I like about them. It's the same in other aspects of life - I like the little flat I live in now partly because I have decided to like it, and focus on the nice things about it rather than the fact it is absolutely minute! We all create narratives, don't we? Do you think your narrative at the moment might be "I'm going to get bored, like I always do"`?

Are you just doing all that big list of things to find a man, or because you want to find out more about yourself and explore life?
You seem to think happiness will ultimately come from finding a man, and that without one, only loneliness and unhappiness can result.
If you haven't found 'the one' then you paint yourself as some sort of failure.
Plenty of people are in general happy without a partner. Because they have found someone they like and respect to enjoy life with - themselves!
If you don't really like yourself, then you will be trying to find something outside of yourself to fill that gap.