WA advised to speak to GP about abuse - anyone have any experience?

[Marmadukedukeduke]

So, after years and years of a miserable existence and treading on eggshells, I've finally realised that my husband has been emotionally and psychologically abusing me. (Thanks mumsnet). I contacted women's aid which was a big step for me. I felt guilty for betraying him like that and I'm still so very confused about it all. I've made so many excuses in my head to explain his behaviour over the years. He's been gaslighting me for years, eroded my belief in myself and recently started his campaign to isolated me from friends and family (so far unsuccessfully). He's questioned my mental health and made me question my own sanity. Since I've realised what is going on, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulder. I know I need to leave and I've made the first very tentative steps in what will probably be a long journey.
Women's aid have been fantastic. The lady I speak to has recommended that I speak to my GP about the abuse. I'm going to find that really hard as that would be admitting this to other people. I'm assuming it's so that there is a record somewhere in case I need it. Has any one done this and can explain how that might be useful? Also any other tips if you've made it out of an abusive relationship? We've got two quite young DC (4 and under).
I'd also appreciate any positive stories. I'm scared of what the future holds and I'm scared of ending this marriage and the potential fallout. Thanks.

That’s brilliant that you’ve spoken to Womens Aid and acknowledged what’s going on. It’s a huge step. I’ve got a 3 year old and have recently broken up with his father who has been emotionally, sexually and financially abusive. I’m lucky in that I have family close by to support me. That’s great that you haven’t let him isolate you from your support networks. I’m afraid I haven’t got experience of talking to GP about it but have spoken to my Health Visitor who has been great. Stay strong x

I wonder if it would be so you could access support? They may be able to refer you to local DV services who can give you advice on how to leave safely. They'll offer advice on money, housing and legal options and can give emotional support too. You may be able to access specialist counselling services too.

Good luck OP, you can do this!

No specific advice but just wanted to say a massive well done for taking this first step. You deserve so so much better.

Seeing GP could help you access counselling definitely, and any other support. Also good to get it “logged”.

Do you have children? Do you have a good support network and places you could stay if you had to leave quickly?

Did they mention the Freedom Programme? It might help you with coming to terms and feeling ready to take the next steps? It helped me feel ready to leave. Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Well done for recognising the abuse, and taking steps to leave. This will be the start of a new and better life for you and your children. Your DH sounds awful and it must be such a strain living under the conditions he creates for you all.

The GP will be able to support you, and may be able to signpost you to other services that can help you. Be aware, though, that because you have young children they may feel obliged to report the situation to social services, if they feel that the children are at risk. Being at risk can include them witnessing arguments in the home, it doesn’t just cover them being abused directly.

If social services are made aware, they may be able to offer you some help, but their main focus of concern will be the children. You may find they put you under pressure to leave the relationship sooner rather than later, which could increase the pressure on you at an already stressful time. They may want to visit your home, talk to school/nursery etc.

I’m not trying to put you off accessing help, just wanted you to go into this with eyes open.

Good luck!

Thank you all for your replies. I'm taking each day as it comes at the moment whilst gathering everything I need to leave. I'm due to speak to a solicitor for some legal advice. One thing my husband holds over me is that he has a law degree so knows the law better than me. He's used this to stop me from leaving before as he'll get full custody of our DC etc. Getting legal advice will mean he can't threaten me with his knowledge anymore.
Counselling will be good when the time comes, both for myself but also for our 4 year old. He needs to know that the way daddy speaks to mummy is not OK. They take so much in at that age. He's a lovely and caring little boy, I don't want that to change.
I am worried about social services getting involved at this stage. I know I have to leave but it has to be when I'm ready. I don't want to be rushed into this to the detriment of my children.
I have no family near by as I emigrated to be with my husband. I do have some great and supportive friends though.
Thank you all for your encouraging words and advice. And positive stories. I'm going to need a lot of strength in the next few months.

Hi OP I told my GP - in a way it’s a safe place to share as it’s confidential.
It was the beginning of the end for me and absolutely the right thing to do.
I would also ask for the contact details of your local women’s aid or google support services for domestic abuse. You may have access to support or counselling. Just because he has a law degree does not make it likely he get full custody. It’s similar to the abusers who threaten suicide when you say you will leave them. They very rarely do.

Does he work, do you work, who owns the property, any savings - gather all the advice on finances for solicitor.
I’m pleased you have seen the light and feel able to do something about it.
Start keeping a diary of his behaviour, dates times what he did. Record any incidents towards you or your children.
Look at Lundy Bancroft - why does he do that - it’s about abuse.
Have you got friends/family you can confide in.
Please tell your gp - get it evidenced along with your calls to women’s aid. The courts will believe you. If he assaults you or you feel threatened call the police.
It’s hard going but worth it. We only get one life - these bastards try and take it away from us.🌺

I spoke to my GP about emotional and sexual abuse from my husband 2 months ago. She referred it everywhere she could think of and that has been helpful. It went to MARAC in November and he was arrested earlier this month for sexual offences. He has bail conditions that involve staying away from me and the house.

Hi, I told my GP that I was struggling because of my (x) h's behaviour at home. I was referred for counselling. It was a helpful thing to have done.

@Mary1935 thanks. That's some really good advice.
I've started documenting the things he's been saying to me and emailing them to the lady at women's aid so that I have a record. I also find it helps to write things down as it's so much clearer when you've written it down.
He had threatened suicide before. There's been various threats to stop me from leaving. It's taking me a while to realise that it what he's doing. He's tried scaring me by threatening to take the DC away from me, he's used emotional blackmail saying he couldn't be a weekend dad and it would have to be all or nothing, he's threatened suicide...
I do work and finances are kept separate. The house is in both of our names. There's things I still need to work out but must importantly I need to find a way to minimise the impact on DS.

Thanks all for the positive responses. It's good to hear that things have turned out well. Counselling is definitely something I want to look into. One step at a time though.

Yes to telling GP , I know it seems strange but having it on record is useful

Secondly think about freedom programme . I did and it massively shifted me . Like
You I felt Guilty about reporting him and WA

But sitting through the classes week on week and nodding away . The guilt shifts to anger , awareness and it really shifts something . Please self refer and ask for SS or GP To help

I know how hard it is but freedom programme is so useful for where you are at right now . It also
Open our eyes to how this is such a massive societal issue .

Also don’t worry if they refer to SS . I shat myself when it happened . But they won’t tell them how they found out and whilst it’s pretty hairy it does help tone things down

Keep
Going . My ex
Leaves 27/12

Whilst I can’t relax until then (he has turned even nastier) I know I have done the right thing

Keep going OP x