Friend and sister judging me for lack of kids

[Iggypoppie]

Both my DSister and friend have multiple children (4+) and are married. I'm divorced with one DD.

My DS and DF are naturally preoccupied with their growing families and are always commenting on how great to have big happy families around them.

My self esteem is at rock bottom, I feel I've messed up mine and DD's lives. Although one that made me delay having DC is my mental health, looking after my sister and not having a willing partner.

Any words of wisdom for my pity party?

Do you get on well with them otherwise? Are they possibly ‘protesting too much’ ie they’re not as happy as they say, having so many kids to worry about?
Even if they are really happy with their large families, that doesn’t mean their families are better, just different.

Please don’t let this get you down. Only children often do very well because they get a lot of love and attention and most adults I know without who were onlies have very good, long lasting friendships.

Does your DD get on well with their children?

I can’t see any judgment?
I just see them about being positive about their families, which is a good thing

Are they saying anything negatively to you? Or are you perceiving the positivity they are displaying about their own lives to be a dig at you?

If they enjoy a big family - that's great!
I'd hate it - I had one DD and am more than happy with that.
Is it because you want more DC or are you happy with your one?
Are they saying you should have more to be 'like them'?
You are your own person.

Having more than 2 DC is a drain on resources and negatively impacts the environment.
Use that if you have to!!!

There’s nothing wrong with having an only child. The ones I know all seem very happy. It sounds as if you haven’t quite made peace with it yourself? I think you need to work on that.

I actually agree with pps that they may be finding their big families hard work and be jollying themselves along. If they are actually judging you for only having one child, they don’t sound very nice. But you can choose not to care about what they think.

I have the opposite, my sister and friends all have 1 or 2 and I get judged for having 4 (they make lots of negative comments) so you can’t win whatever you do 🤷‍♀️

Slightly weird advice, but I'm also a single parent with a single DD, and I've found it comforting to watch Gilmore Girls (with DD). I know it's not everyone's cup of tea, but I really like the way it shows that a mother and daughter can be their own perfect family, with their own traditions and habits and way of life. It's just a nice corrective to TV images showing proper families = big families.

Are they judging, or does it just trigger you? And I know it’s not “ just” , I can hear that it really bothers you. Can you come back and tell us a bit more? Are they unkind? Do you get on well otherwise? Do you need to step away from them.
I know lots of really fucked Up big families. Lots of kids can bring it’s own problems.

Thanks everyone I think you've all touched on something relevant. I think I'm triggered, not resolved in terms of having one dc. But also because they are both so vocally pro big families it makes it seem like they are judging me. Normally I can rationalise that everyone is different but this issue seems to touch a raw nerve. I think I'm going to give the Gilmour girls a try @bibliomania.