My alcoholic ex wants the kids over the holidays

[Sic99]

I need some help in answering a message from my ex without inflaming an already v fragile truce. We split a year and a half ago over his drinking and lies. It was a very brutal and messy break up and we only communicate over text/ email and it's strictly about the kids. He takes them to school/ picks up most days and has them over for sleepovers in the week. Weekends didn't work as it interfered with his social life and frankly this situation suits me well. I am NC with his entire enabling toxic family. And I've cut all contact with mutual friends. Necessary for my sanity. I have previously refused holidays because I dint trust him. Or his family. But he has now asked me to consider the idea of taking them away over Easter. Abroad. It's a big fat no to me. I have no idea what his drinking is like. He managed to collect them for drop offs mid week. But that means nothing in terms of what he does weekends and my experience of holidays is that it's his cue to get shit faced. I am not comfortable with holidays and don't see why I should give him the benefit of the doubt. We were together for 15 miserable years. But I don't want another row over this. Any suggestions how to deal?

Sorry but if you have to be a bitch then be a bitch. There’s no way kids of mine that age would be going near a foreign country with an alcoholic who’s been to rehab in charge. I’d be saying “you don’t like it. Take me to court” fuck that. Let a judge decide if he’s competent. When they’re teenagers and can work out how to look after themselves in an emergency then maybe, if he’s been sober for a number of years. Plus your kids are going to see and be influenced by him getting blotto. Big fat no until a court ordered me to do it

It's done. Thanks all. I needed to hear all of that.

If he is an alcoholic and you have any concerns what so ever he should not be having any overnights. His counter argument is simple to yours - hes proven there he can hold it together and you've allowed him to prove that. What about trying to compromise. Say first a weekend away fairly locally and then building up. If he did progress this to a hearing the first thing that would be raised on his side is that despite your concerns of his alcohol abuse that you have still allowed him to have overnight and that this is an element of control. I am not suggesting that to be the case and I believe you are trying to put your children first but this may not be how it is perceived by all outsiders. I hope you reach a solution for all of you.