He thinks I'm a c***

[LighteningRidge]

Said to me yesterday. Confirmed to me today.

I suppose I have no real option but to either stay and be thought of like this or I leave. To add fun to the situation we have a newborn baby and a new house with a five year fixed mortgage. The house is secure money wise for me, but it means I'll struggle to live somewhere until we can sell without losing thousands.

I'm gutted. I knew he was feeling a bit negatively towards me but I didn't expect him to say I'm that. It stems from the fact I struggle with his children. I haven't managed to bond with them for various reasons. I understand why he is upset by it obviously it's his children and they come first. But I'm not rude, I just take a back seat.

I don't know why I'm posting. I suppose I want to know, am I a c*?

Anyone who talks like that to, well, anyone, let along a partner whom they should cherish, has some serious issues.

I mean, he clearly resents you... Which isn't normal. Do yourself a favor and don't stay with someone who doesn't even remotely like or respect you. And basically, is abusive. Because that's what talking to someone like that is, abusive.

Better to find out now than ten years down the road. Get yerself and baba out a there.

I only hope the kids weren't around when he spoke to you that way.

What are the issues surrounding his children? What does he expect of you? What particular things do you struggle with?

I’m asking because I had a step child (grown up now) and I’m well aware of the challenge you can face as a step parent.

I don’t know how long you have been with your partner or the ages of the children or if the relationship your partner has with their mum is amicable or not. These are all things that can affect how easily or difficult it can be for you to make a bond with them. It can be made even more difficult with a new baby in the mix as it can be easy for step children to feel pushed out and easy for you partner to want to go out of his way making sure they don’t feel like that.

I’m only guessing here as I don’t know enough about the situation to offer any more in depth advice, but there are things you can do to try and work it out should you want to.

The issues are quite a long story but to cut it short, his relationship with the ex crossed some boundaries and we split up. From that I didn't see the children for a long while and by the time I did again things were already fractured. I then started working shifts and so I didn't see them as I was usually working - this was planned by him not me. They then would barely speak to me and he never corrected it so I always feel awkward. I say hi and ask a few questions but basically fade out the way. Perhaps that is rude, I try not to be but I am fully aware they don't actually want me around. It's not rocket science to work that out.

I think maybe I should remove myself and baby this week. A break is probably needed at the very least. I just feel hollow.

Not helpful I know but why even get back together?

For your own sanity and his children’s I’d leave.

The difficulty you face is that his kid don't have to like you but sadly you sort of have to like them.

What are you getting out of this relationship?

Ok so safe to say the root of these issues is him.

He chose to end his relationship and leave his family, so the children had to deal with dad leaving the family home. He then got together with you and introduced the children who then had to deal with dad having a girlfriend. He then crossed lines in his relationship with his ex which may very well have confused the children as they have been excited at the thought of mum and dad getting back together (I wouldn’t take that personally from the kids) so it’s no wonder they haven’t bonded with you. From their point of view their dad has messed them around, him leaving their mum wasn’t final, and for a time they thought mum and dad would get back together (who knows what the ex said to them) so rightly they don’t see you as a permanent fixture. In fact the less they acknowledge you, your presence they are treating you as temporary fixture perhaps in the hope their parents may reunite, or perhaps out of loyalty to their mum.

Regardless of the above he is to blame, this is a situation of his own doing, and he has the audacity to blame you!!! The cheek!!!

I know you’ve just had a baby, but jeez id be considered binning him off seriously!

So sorry.

He seems like a lot of hard work. Is he really worth it? I doubt it.

He chose to end his relationship and leave his family

Is that what happened? Where does OP say that?

OP, no one should speak to you like that. Everyone has their own deal breakers and being called a cunt is one of them. The issues in your relationship sound complicated and long running and if the resentment is this serious then it’s going to end anyway so you need to decide if, with a new baby, like is easier with or without him for now. His other children aren’t going anywhere, he’s going to continue to dish out verbal abuse if that’s how he expresses his anger and it’s a toxic environment for your baby.