Worried that I'm sleep walking

[asSASSin8]

I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for coming up to 9 months. I have met his DC in recent months and all seems to be going as smoothly as it can on that front. They are lovely and I am trying to keep everything light in that respect.

My concern is that when I think back, I can't recall much in the way from romance or him trying to make much of an effort. Having come out of a 15 year relationship, I feel that I would like some romance in my life. I'm used to being with someone day to day and even though I know that if things carry on to progress, this will eventually become the case - I just feel right now should be the time where effort should be made and it's not if I'm honest. It all got quite routine from the start.

He recently came up with an idea for an evening out because he saw a friend had posted it on FB. I was really chuffed that he had made the effort to plan and book tickets. The only problem, he then remarked the tickets cost more than he'd imagine. I then felt a little bad for some reason and it sort of took the shine off of it IYWSIM.

When I've been to visit on days he has his DC, it has become a routine that I end up spending time entertaining 1 DC whilst he focuses on the other and this doesn't feel 100% right to me as it's the same every time. It almost feels like I am his DD personal minder whilst I am there. I have nothing to compare it to, so am unsure whether I'm being unreasonable in this respect.

It sometime's feel a bit odd when he'll tell me that when his ex is unwell, him and the DC will drop off flowers, along with her favorite drink and chocolates. However, when I have been unwell, I don't seem to get the same treatment from him (not expecting DC to be involved). Or there was a time he said he was going to buy me flowers, but forgot. It just feels a bit lack luster and I'm not sure what to do.

I feel a bit unsure of myself whether my expectations are too high or whether he is just a bit thoughtless. He has done a lot to help me out in practical senses since being with him, but the thought and romance is a tad lacking.

Please can someone help me rationalise.

Don't visit on days he has his DC.
That should be his time to spend with both DC.
He doesn't get to palm one off on to you!
That's not on at all OP.
If it doesn't feel right then you know what to do.
Do NOT settle!!!

No, it sounds as though he's taking you for granted very early on.

After 9 months it should all still be shiny and new and exciting and romantic.

Don't visit when he has his kids, they need proper time with him. And him alone.

Don't settle for this just to have a man in your life. Single life is much more fun than being someone's unpaid babysitter.

He has done a lot to help me out in practical senses since being with him, but the thought and romance is a tad lacking.

Have you done that 5 Love Languages test with him?

I agree with PPs I wouldn't visit on days he has his DC, not at this stage. If and when you move in together then things can change.

Thank you both for coming back to me. I have been up so they got to meet me. However, I agree with you and will now politely make myself busy on those days at least for the foreseeable future. They have now met me, which is great, but I do understand they need alone time with their DF and will happily respect that. I never wanted to encroach.

Be careful op, if you dont nip it in the bud now, it wont be long until you're minding both his children while he fucks off out to do his thing, leaving you to hold the fort!