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Original poster

OLD and photos of children

30 replies

raspberrylipbalm · 17/12/2019 13:38

I’m seriously considering OLD, after several years of being a lone parent. TBH I’m finding the whole thing slightly overwhelming, and wanted to ask about the done thing for uploading photos of myself to my profile. Advice seems to be to upload a number of photos, and include some of you doing hobbies/interests/looking happy. I don’t have much time for hobbies, imagine fairly boring stuff like reading, keep fit etc, none of which will make for an interesting photo. I do have some nice photos of myself with the DCs, who in fairness take up a lot of my life albeit are not my hobby, and wanted to ask about the OLD etiquette for including photos of children. Just to be clear, not the children on their own, but in a photo with me. Should I include them or not include them, or am I just overthinking the whole thing?

OP posts:

Sunshineandflipflops · 17/12/2019 13:42

I dislike seeing photos of men with children in on OLD and would immediately swipe left so I'd say avoid. A man is looking to date you, not your children (at least to start with!) so I always make it clear I have children but don't include them in photos.

Could you get a friend to take some nice photos of you over the festive period to use?

Ididit2019 · 17/12/2019 13:43

I would never put pictures of my children on an online profile. Sadly you don't know what kind of people/predators are out there.

NWQM · 17/12/2019 13:48

Absolutely would not upload anyone else photos let alone the children's. They haven't given their permission to it - and, yes I know that legally there is a question on whether consent is needed but just morally it feels wrong.

As another poster has said enlist the help of a friend to take photos or see if anyone can help by photoshopping the pictures you have.

You can give it a go with just a single headshot. Yes showing hobbies makes it more interesting but have you been looking and did it make a difference to you?

OLD is a great way to meet people but even more important it's a good way to start with a little bit of flirting etc. It's a way to have chats when the kids are in bed. Enjoy and Good Luck.

dinosaurrisotto · 17/12/2019 13:50

Can you either crop the photo so that it cuts your children out, or blur their faces? Definitely don't use photos of your children for the reasons mentioned above.

Crystal87 · 17/12/2019 13:51

No I wouldn't. Its unnecessary to have them on there. Men will be interested in you, not what your children look like.

BalsamicVin · 17/12/2019 13:51

Not a chance would I do that!

I get put off and automatically reject any man who has photos of his children on their OLD profile

ComtesseDeSpair · 17/12/2019 14:03

No way. Regardless of any fears of predators (because predators really aren’t going to be much interested in head-and-shoulder shots of clothed children), putting photos of you and your DC sort of shoots “these are my children and I’m looking for someone to be involved with them and become their new dad, what do you think of them??” Which is a bad move on a dating site and will put a heap of otherwise decent men off (and potentially attract the ones who think you’re a desperate single mum who’ll put up with any old shit.)

Either crop them out or get a good friend or even a colleague to take some new photos. If you don’t want to say why just say your mum would like a couple of decent photos of you or something!

Chocolate123 · 17/12/2019 14:15

A definite no to putting children on your profile

Missillusioned · 17/12/2019 14:20

Don't do it. It's not unheard of for peadophiles to target single mothers for a relationship as a way to get at the children.

user1483387154 · 17/12/2019 14:22

I wouldn't put a photo of my child on a dating profile

noego · 17/12/2019 15:48

I don't look at profiles with photos of kids and animals. My choice.

Sexnotgender · 17/12/2019 15:49

Definitely don’t put your kids on your profile!

virginpinkmartini · 17/12/2019 15:58

Big fat no. There are men out there who deliberately target women with children. Your job is to protect them, keep them out of your dating sphere. Tell the person at the end of the first date you have children so they can make up their minds whether it's worth pursuing, and tell them you have hidden the information on your profile to protect them, and not to trap people.

If I was a man looking at potential dates online and I saw a woman with her kids, I would immediately think Dad's not in the picture and shes looking for a stepdad for the children. (Not saying you are, just a judgement one might make)

Spied · 17/12/2019 16:01

No way put a photo including your DC.
You don't know who's looking at these sites.

ohwheniknow · 17/12/2019 16:03

Nope.

Fairylea · 17/12/2019 16:05

Never put photos of your children on there. In fact personally I wouldn’t even say you have children in your profile. Let them like you because of you, then you can reveal as much as you like as you get to know them. Otherwise there’s always the risk someone will target you because of your children - sad but true.

I met my dh on plenty of fish (doing these rules) we have been together nearly 11 years now. I had a 6 year old dd when we met.

EoinMcLovesCakeJumper · 17/12/2019 16:08

Absolutely not. ComtesseDeSpair has given an excellent summary of why not - basically, you're just putting up a big flashing sign saying "Cocklodgers this way!".

When I'm doing OLD I always give a hard swerve to any men who have their kids in their profile pics, because it gives the impression that a) they're a bit clueless about online safety; b) they're unlikely to be readily available for dating and I would have to arrange our relationship around his childcare commitments, which of course is the way it should be, but as I'm childless myself it really doesn't appeal to me. Of course, the latter point applies to any man who has kids, whether he puts them in his profile picture or not, but there is a chance that I might read a guy's profile and, if it's intriguing enough, I could still be interested in him despite all that. I know this is a prejudice on my part but I chose not to have children and I would have to really, really like a guy before I took on one with children.

Original poster

raspberrylipbalm · 17/12/2019 20:10

That's a resounding "no" to photos of the DCs. Thanks for all your responses and advice. It's a bit of a minefield. Several PPs have said not to even mention that I have children which I had honestly considered doing, but I've also heard the other view that it's better to be upfront. @Fairylea - your story of finding your DH online gives me hope . But how did he react initially when you did tell him about your DC?

OP posts:

Fairylea · 17/12/2019 20:17

I can’t really remember to be honest! It wasn’t a big deal to him. He was much younger than me (I was 29 nearly 30 and he was 22!) and I did wonder what he’d think but he was just interested and we kept things quite casual initially so we could suss each other out. We met for a daytime coffee and ended up liking each other so much we stayed until the cafe shut (!) and then met for proper dates for a while after that. It was about 6-8 months after that he met dd, we all met up and went to the cinema and for lunch together. They’re very close now - she’s 17 and he’s the cool and trendy step dad (he loves fashion and all her friends say how cool he is, it’s a bit of a joke between us all).

I think you just have to have an open mind and try not to get your hope up too much until you’ve actually met someone. I did block and delete quite a few people before dh - you have to be brutal!

Good luck

wishywashy6 · 17/12/2019 20:29

I never put photos on of my children but I did make it clear in my profile that I had kids
If it ever put anyone off, it was no great loss!

I met my now DP on badoo, he's 11 years younger than me and has no kids of his own and I did think maybe he'd be put off by them but always took the attitude that they're part of me and if someone's worth being with, that shouldn't make them run a mile. As it is, he's absolutely brilliant with them and they adore him. We've been together about 18 months now.
I never took it very seriously, didn't have any expectations and just went with the flow so to speak. Went of plenty of dates (good bad and ugly!) and enjoyed them all - even the terrible ones!

GilbertMarkham · 17/12/2019 21:32

(because predators really aren’t going to be much interested in head-and-shoulder shots of clothed children).

They are however interested in identifying and getting involved with women who gave children they can groom and abuse.

GilbertMarkham · 17/12/2019 21:32

How clothed or not the children are in the photos is kinda irrelevant.

PumpkinP · 17/12/2019 22:06

I would never put my kids on dating profiles but then I wouldn’t put them on social media at all tbh.

lifeisgoodagain · 17/12/2019 23:21

It goes both ways, I liked men who mentioned their kids and had nice family photos but it's a turn off for others. I was only interested if the kids were 16+ though

BodenGate · 17/12/2019 23:24

I wish it was illegal for people to post photos of their children on dating profiles. I find it shocking and highly inappropriate.

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