Mother in law!

[kerryanna98]

Hey, I posted yesterday regarding my MIL apparently going to be making an appearance this weekend but she hasn't informed us atall we've been told by partners nan.. anyway because she hasn't bothered atall really through my pregnancy she's not even aware that sunday I'm due my baby and I've got a sweep this Thursday. His mum is in a temporary accommodation with two children so was obviously intending on coming down this weekend and staying until after Christmas because she needs to fill her needs. We've seen her twice in 6 months and one of those times was 6 weeks ago when she palmed her son off on us all weekend and then played the "I have no money to get US home" after she had been away for the weekend with her partner she then ended up staying the night. We haven't really heard from her since until now.. she uses us when she needs somewhere to go etc. So I told his nan I've got a sweep thursday, in a lot of pain and she will have to leave it this weekend. His nan said "oh well think she was wanting to be at the hospital though"!!!

My question is, am I wrong in having my say in this? No way do I want her at my first birth. I told his nan I've got my birth plan sorted and could be in labour for days as it's unpredictable and would appreciate her not being there. Apparently she's ringing me today but yet has just messaged my partner saying "hope you're all ok xxx". She always goes through my partner first, asks if they can stay etc when I feel like it should be me who's getting asked seeing as I'm heavily pregnant, tired and got to tidy up after everyone! Do I message her myself now and tell her the score or what?

Your birth, your rules. There's nothing unreasonable at all about not wanting her to visit this weekend when you literally might be giving birth.

As to whether you should message her yourself - if you can trust your DH to give a clear "No" on your behalf that's probably the least nuclear option. If he's likely to have his arm twisted, it might well be worth the risk.

I told my partner last night to contact her and tell her and he didn't bother! Just so annoyed and feel guilty when I bloody shouldn't!

You got lots of advice that no you weren't unreasonable.
But if you do is just going to let them come then he is your biggest problem.

Go nuclear.

Tell your partner to either call her, or you will, and if he is not 100% behind you he won't be at the birth either.

Tell him you'll also be making it clear nobody is allowed in to the midwives so if he doesn't tell her, all he's doing is setting her up for an embarrassing situation when she's barred entry.

If you end up calling her, be massively blunt and be prepared to shout at her. She's NOT coming this weekend. She's NOT staying. She's NOT comign to the hospital. She needs to go to the nan if she has nowhere to stay.

Look, she's clearly a massive cheeky twat, so if you lose it now, honestly it will stand you in SUCH good stead and save SO many arguments in the next couple of weeks. YOU need to be the one they're all terrified of upsetting. I can sense that usually you just put up with it - if you go nuts, they will have such a shock that they'll back down. And the narrative can be 'Oh she went mad when she was having the baby, everyone had to keep away!' Fine. Whatever. Your only aim is to have a peaceful birth.

So go mad.

I wouldn’t tidy for her at all. I’d make it very uncomfortable for her and your partner. He can babysit his siblings your preparing to give birth.

Your partner sounds horrible not taking your wishes into consideration given you’re about to give birth to his child.