Is my friend right that I should be wary after this first date?

[user63212]

I have had LOADS of online dates, false starts of relationships that i have later called off. it is always me that breaks things off, but only because it doesnt feel right for whatever reason. i being open minded about dates etc so i think i am doing the right things generally. i want to settle down but only if it is right.

I had a great date on saturday night (unusual for me to say this, im never usually hugely positive about someone after a first date) but for the first time ever, the guy didnt message me afterwards. on the date he was talking about lending me a book (i assume in the future?!) and seemed to want to stay and chat (spent 4 hours together). so at lunchtime, i decided to text and asked if he wanted to meet again, said i had a nice time. ten minutes later he replies saying he had enjoyed the date and suggested a time and place to meet again at the weekend.

my friend is saying he'd have text if he was keen and so i should be wary. this is new to me as ive never not had a text after a date, whereby the next one was suggested. i know i hadnt left it long before I text him, but this is still unusual ground for me and maybe my friend is right? i like him but the last thing i want is someone who isnt bothered about pursuing something, and that obviously starts with asking for another date...

also, im prepared for comments like "why shouldnt you text him" - but in my experience men have always messaged so i just dont know what to make of it!! maybe he's not that bothered and i need to get back to swiping....

My first date with my BF lasted 4 hours which was unusual for me too. I can't remember who texted who first after but I know that it was easy, no games, just mutual respect and honesty. It still is two and a half years later and we are very happy and very much in love.

Good luck, relax and enjoy it.

Please ignore your friend. He could have been busy. Who knows, he may have felt you were cool and wasn’t sure if you’d want to go out again? It’s Christmas this is the busiest time of year for a lot of people.

Theres no rules.
Text first if you want to.

Are you 15 OP?

Go out with him again as you've arranged, then next time, see what he does after the date, then you'll have a better idea of where you stand with him, but don't stress about it, you might not like him at all on the second date and that might be the end of it, and it's certainly far too early to be having thoughts of 'settling down' with him!

The problem is nowadays with online dating men have women throwing themselves at them all the time so yes he might not be that interested and just along for the ride, the only way to find out is to create the space for him to come towards you and see what he does , or doesn't do .. but you can do this without playing games / following rules

my friend is saying he'd have text if he was keen and so i should be wary

That's ridiculous. Why aren't you applying the same logic to your own behaviour up until now?

Always wait for him to message first.

If men followed that advice too, then no-one would ever have a second date.