DP disapproval of relationship

[Rainydayss]

for no apparent reason whatsoever!
She (DM) shows no interest in asking about him (been together 3 months) and getting to know him and has already decided in her head he isn't suitable. She is very bitter about men in general because of her own experiences, however assumes all men are the same (controlling, abusive).
I've told her I wont tolerate those things (and many other things) as I've experienced it before, however its causing a rift and all I want is her approval, although not sure why, I'm in my thirties.
Has anyone had a similar experience?

DP I mean parents not partner, sorry to confuse!

Have a look at the stately homes thread. Anything ring a bell in the first few posts?

May not, but a good place to start.

I only suggest it because my mother was the same.

Thanks Ill have a look. Just feels she is being unreasonably mean, he has done nothing but be nice to me and supportive. Its also the general judgement of things I do in my life, which is nothing immoral or illegal.

Do you think she might consider you an extension of herself?

For example, you are not your own person with your own likes and ideas- but you are expected to like what she like, make the same decisions as her and when you don’t you are punished?

Yes that sounds like it. Like her image of the 'perfect' man and anything less makes him a bad person. When I started dating after my marriage ended I showed her a photo of an online date I had arranged as she got all excited telling her friends because he was clean cut/matched her ideals. After a couple of dates I said we went compatible and she seemed mortified I had turned away a 'perfect' man. She is very quite to judge and said she knows instantly if she likes/doesn't like someone...yet doesn't give him a chance

I think she has self confidence issues as she took offence to one of my friends who apparently looked her up and down...which I know my friend would never have done.

Look - she might also be cautious.
You just started seeing a man. Only 3 month yet. By no means it’s anything serious in her head.
Once the relationship is ongoing and for a while and she sees you happy, etc - it all may change. Give her a chance.

And don’t push her to he as excited about a new guy in your life as you are. If she had a life of bad experiences with men - your excitement based on a few weeks with a guy won’t change her.
What would change her mind (possibly) is seeing a happy relationship over time.

The approval you seek isn’t an automatic sort of thing. You can’t demand it this way and this early.

Do we have the same mum???? I could have written your post word for word.

It's been 6 years now, for a long time I just kept them separate, didn't mention him when with my mum much, didn't tolerate it when she said mean things about him etc

Finally within the last 6 months she was thawed about him a little bit so we are doing baby steps.

MMomDD - fair points and yes early days so I cant expect instant approval. I just don't think there is any need for her to refer to him as 'that man'
I think its just her very quick judgement of others in general which I struggle with. Certain traits of physical looks (over weight, tattoos, etc) she instantly makes a decision about them as a person.

OP - people can’t help making some sort of mental assumptions about people when seeing them - hence villains looking a certain way in movies, etc.
Those assumptions can only change when people get to know each other.

Why are you so focused on your mom’s opinion about your bf? Just live your life and build your relationship with him. And over time things will evolve, hopefully.