Does this seem off to you

[emile30]

Can I ask you if I'm reading too much into this. My husband recently forgot our wedding anniversary. He knew I have been busy getting our kids stuff sorted for Christmas, school plays etc. I gave him a card and he looked sheepish and was like I forgot to get you one. I thought to myself he'd get one but a week later I still haven't got a card and to be honest I don't want one now. Last year I cooked him a lovely meal for our anniversary even though I had just had a baby 3 weeks prior.

We sat down and chatted about it at the weekend and he told me he'd been feeling stressed with work and the kids and everything else. He's upset that I make all the decisions around the house and his opinion isn't listened to (however he never offers his opinion) I'm at home with our kids alone 12 hours a day so I would have thought it was natural I make the majority of the decisions although I'm tempted now to constantly call him every day whilst he's at work now and ask him his opinion on everything before I do it from now on. We had a few drinks and went to bed had sex and it was nice. The next night I was saying how much I really enjoyed last night and one thing lead to another and he just stopped and said I'm really not feeling this right now. I've noticed a pattern that whenever I initiate sex he rejects me so I brought this up with him and basically he got defensive saying he's allowed not want to have sex and how he'd never get upset if I said no etc. I wasn't trying to grind him down but I feel something is off and I'd rather know now.

Hmmm
Sounds like he forgot/ couldn't be bothered to get you anything. You try and make him responsible, and he blames you...
That's a control thing.

Would you deliberately miss his birthday because, I dunno, he was a bit messy in the house? Of course not.

If he took issue with the balance of parenting responsibility then he can talk to you about it, as an adult. There's no need to weaponsise it

I'm tempted now to constantly call him every day whilst he's at work now and ask him his opinion on everything before I do it from now on
Definitely do this.
As of today.
I'm sure he will begin to 'trust your judgement' when he gets even more stressed at work because you keep calling him.

As for the sex. I'd start to keep a diary on this. How often he initiates and the result and how often you do and how often he rejects you.
If you have it in black and white then he cannot dispute it!

What do you feel is off?
Any signs of things that may be new?
More guarded with is phone?
Appearance?
Spending on clothes?
Working out?
New aftershave?
Working late more?
If none of these and you feel something is off and he won't discuss directly with you, would he consider some couples therapy?

I think you need an open and honest chat about how he is feeling. He sounds depressed and a bit disempowered. Calling him at work about every decision is an absolutely terrible idea. Don’t do that, how is that going to help?
He might need some help and support. Try to get him to open up to you properly

He has form for bottling things up and then exploding. He can also come across so indecisive for example he worked in a company with good pay but long hours and lots of travel and he left that for a job for same pay but less hours and no travel and then decided he preferred the first job so he went back there and now he's wavering again. I work too although I'm still on maternity but will return in the new year.

He refuses counselling of the sort. I made an appointment for marriage counselling and he refused point blank to attend with me. He only ever seems truly happy when he's with his hobby or his friends. When I point this out I'm told your not psychic you don't know how I feel or he says I'm reflecting my own feelings onto him.

The diary seems like a good idea. I genuinely don't think he's doing anything outside the marriage, one phone for work and personal which both myself and the kids often use so not secretive, I've full access to his car during the day as well as my own.