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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is this a bit weird

46 replies

Lou780 · 16/12/2019 05:42

Boyfriend worked with this girl for one summer. They only worked together a handful of times. She was sort of dating another colleague at the time. Girl goes off to Australia for a couple of months and her colleague dumps her. She is upset and messaged my boyfriend about this.
Now she is back and has messaged my boyfriend wanting him to go fishing with her..just the two of them.. fishing is his big big hobby..he loves it. She has never fished before but has told him she is interested and wants him to teach her!
This girl never socialized with the work colleagues before ..only ever with the man she was dating. Now she is single however?? Tell me straight please.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 16/12/2019 09:59

In these situations I always think it comes down to do you trust him. If not get outnof the relationship because stopping him going on th trip won't stop him cheating with her if that's what you think he's going to do.

If you don't think he will cheat, then let him go.

Gemma1971 · 16/12/2019 10:02

Sounds like he's planning to cheat to me. With the excuse of supporting a "friend" who is not even a friend. Why has he not invited you?

Of course he knows it's wrong.... I am not sure I would stand for it at all. I would blank him. See how he likes that. Tell him you're not an idiot and you're off out to fish for other options.

Gemma1971 · 16/12/2019 10:05

If he couldn't make this decision for himself, then sorry, he is not worth your time.

Adult women do not need to tell adult men what to do. He's pissed off no doubt that you realise what he was planning. He's not naive FGS. How old is he? 17? You should not have to tell him not to plan to cheat.

Arghhhhhhhhhh...

Gemma1971 · 16/12/2019 10:06

Furthermore, why is she texting HIM about a break-up?? THAT is super odd. Think about that one...

Gemma1971 · 16/12/2019 10:08

Sounds like your "boyfriend" is not to be trusted at all... If I was with someone and this situation happened, I would boot his ass so hard out the door.

Sorry OP, I simply have zero tolerance for being messed about. These "small" things are how it starts and I have been through a mind fuckery relationshit. There are plenty more men... fish... lol... in the sea...... Throw this oddball back.

Sunflowersok · 16/12/2019 10:14

OP he needs to tell her straight that he doesn’t think meeting up with her is appropriate because he has a girlfriend.

Geekynzmum · 16/12/2019 14:38

It sounds as though you trust your boyfriend but you don't trust her, so be honest with him and tell him that.
Say that you trust him but you don't trust her or her motives for going fishing, then go from there.

Original poster
Lou780 · 16/12/2019 14:51

That's exactly it geekymum!

OP posts:
dontgobaconmyheart · 16/12/2019 15:49

Well he's be going if you hadn't got involved and asked him not to (very reasonably OP) wouldn't he, so it's not all on her.

Your problem is him surely- he should have and needs to want to text her and say that he doesn't want to meet up for that. If she is so bloody interesting in fishing and he knows lots about it perhaps he can direct her to her local fishing club for lessons no?

Original poster
Lou780 · 16/12/2019 17:00

Yeah that's true. Iam annoyed at his at best naivety

OP posts:
Gemma1971 · 16/12/2019 17:01

He's not naive OP

Original poster
Lou780 · 16/12/2019 17:02

I honestly think he is..we are only 20. He isn't as mature as me. He asked sadly if he is a bad person for upsetting me about this..I needed to spell out to him this girls game.

OP posts:
katseyes7 · 16/12/2019 17:04

Twenty years ago, l was in a long distance relationship with someone. We were together for two and a half years.
A few times "when it was raining" one of the females he worked with started turning up at his home to "pick him up for work so he didn't get wet."
And yes, he started a relationship with her. They're still together so far as l know. She was blatant and threw herself at him. And he took the bait. l'd trusted him for over two years.

Original poster
Lou780 · 16/12/2019 17:05

That has crossed my mind

OP posts:
Elmer83 · 16/12/2019 17:08

I would fee very uncomfortable with this girl even messaging never mind asking to spend a day with him. I’d tell him straight and if he still chooses to take her fishing then I think you know where you stand. He should respect your feelings xxx

Original poster
Lou780 · 16/12/2019 17:09

He isn't going to take her. But iam annoyed that he even thought it was a good idea.

OP posts:
dudsville · 16/12/2019 17:12

I honestly wouldn't say anything. If I said something and his behaviour altered for the better I'd doubt he would have done that independently, so it would feel to me to be worthless. I'd watch and leave the relationship if need be.

It reminds me of when I was young, I'd moved a few hundred miles to live with my bf. A friend of his was coming to stay. I'd not met her, but I got a vibe off him so I knew there were feelings in at least one direction. When she arrived I couldn't get a read on whether she liked him, I suspected unrequited love on his part and that all she'd have to do is agree and he'd go with her. I already knew enough, that I didn't feel central and loved, and I quietly left.

Gemma1971 · 16/12/2019 17:19

He's 20. He's not that naive.

Hepsibar · 16/12/2019 17:21

A friend in need is a friend indeed ... but this girl is highly likely after your boyfriend.

She will find someone else if she's brave enough to go travelling.

Also you could say you find fishing cruel !

IM0GEN · 16/12/2019 17:44

He’s not naive, he’s enjoying the attention and making you jealous.

Women do not confide in single Male colleagues about their relationships problems, unless they are interested in them.

GoodDogBellaBoo · 16/12/2019 17:55

@GiveHerHellFromUs Best reply ever, can’t stop laughing!! Grin

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