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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do I get them to leave me alone?

13 replies

nofriendsofmine · 16/12/2019 00:11

Early this year I started a job as a contractor.
Originally my contract was only supposed to last until October but it was extended to the end of this year.

It's been an odd working environment, in general the permanent staff are from a small town, most have known each other for decades, they seem to know so much about the lives of their colleagues. It's very gossipy. In any situation I don't like bitchiness and I don't want to be involved. This was only ever a temporary role for me.

When I'd been working there for a few weeks 3 female colleagues started to ask me to join them at lunch.

I'll call them Helen, Sarah and Jenny.

Helen and Sarah have known each other since their 20s, we're all in our 40s. They rarely kept in touch until they started working at the current place 5 years ago.
All 3 of them are permanent staff.
They seemed nice to begin with and conversations were just general chat.

Then when either Helen or Sarah weren't with us they would talk about each other.

Examples would be:

H said that S had an affair, causing S to divorce.
H doesn't approve of S around men because she 'loses her head', is 'slutty' and becomes fixated on men Hmm

S doesn't like H's DH, S says he is controlling and she's pissed off with H because she complains about her DH but doesn't do anything to LTB.

When Jenny wasn't around H&S would talk about how sorry they feel for J as she is generally unpopular at work and then go on to list all of the reasons for J's unpopularity Confused

As best I could I distanced myself from them and their drama but they've kept trying to draw me in at work and by messaging me outside of work.

H left for another job in the summer, she messaged me occasionally and I kept things light and chatty without seeming to be rude.

In passing I had mentioned a wealthy friend of ours who is single because me & DH had stayed with him one weekend. He lives some distance from us/workplace.
After weeks of avoiding her at work S messaged me to ask me to arrange a date with the wealthy friend (!) I politely messaged back to say that I thought he had recently met someone. S has been unpleasant to me at work since this and has made a point of saying untrue things about me to other members of staff, I know this from the things people have said to me.

I've been hoping to get through my contract and leave without engaging or falling out with any of them.

Thing is that they are very persistent. I hadn't told them but I've been on planned annual leave this past week.
They've assumed that I've left my contract early so, sensing gossip they have been messaging me at least once a day every day.

I'm back at work on Tuesday, after this coming week I'm working until the end of December. I'd already decided to leave even though the employer has offered extended contracts to temporary staff who want them.
Again, S, H & J had been messaging me to know whether I will stay or leave.

It's ridiculous, we're all supposed to be adults.
They know very little about me. I've done my best to stay away from them whilst honouring my existing contract. I don't feel that I can tell them to piss off.

I'm not answering messages or engaging, other than in work conversations, but how can I keep away from them whilst maintaining professionalism and politeness for the rest of this month, especially as they have upped their ante?

OP posts:
nofriendsofmine · 16/12/2019 00:12

That was long, oh dear.

OP posts:
YouNeedToCalmDown · 16/12/2019 02:24

I think you have been very wise to stay away from this group. They sound dreadful.

I would continue to ignore and if questioned on your return, say you were on a digital detox for a week and not taking calls/messages.

If they are persistent when you return, be vague, "I haven't decided yet", "mmm, not sure", "I'll discuss it with management and let you know" etc.

Blondebakingmumma · 16/12/2019 03:48

Use the grey rock technique. Become very boring to them. Nod and smile and get the he’ll out of there when your contract is up

nofriendsofmine · 16/12/2019 09:52

I agree with you both.
I've been trying to be as uninteresting as possible for months I really am very dull so this isn't difficult but it seems that my unwillingness to engage fuels their curiosity.

It's not a long time to go but every day feels so long.

OP posts:
Greenkit · 16/12/2019 12:40

Do they have your personal mobile number. Because I would block them.

They sound awful

nofriendsofmine · 16/12/2019 13:03

No they don't have my phone number Green, so that's a good thing.

I'd already unfriended them on SM, not that I'm particularly active on any of them.
When I was considering what to do I decided not to block them because I wanted them to leave me alone without antagonising the situation. That was my interpretation of grey rock - to be unresponsive and flat without actively doing anything.

OP posts:
RhinoskinhaveI · 16/12/2019 13:05

I agree grey rock etc!
I wonder why they are so weird though, as if they got stuck at 9 years old?

RhinoskinhaveI · 16/12/2019 13:07

I think they see you as a challenge ...they want to capture you and turn you into one of them 😲

Chocmallows · 16/12/2019 13:13

Absolutely do not block them, bore them.

Don't reply to texts until at least 2 hours have passed and then "oh really /I don't know" replies; start to talk more slowly and repeat yourself; be tired and disinterested; be busy with a hobby that means you can't join in with them socially.

Perhaps you could be investigating metal detecting/coin collecting/bee keeping...and ask them to look at the same websites again and again at lunch time until they avoid you?

Be yourself beyond this group.

nofriendsofmine · 16/12/2019 19:56

That's the thing, I am really boring Grin
I've never socialised with them outside of work.
They have all individually messaged me while I've been off, I haven't replied to any of them.

Being off this past week meant that I missed the Christmas do and Secret Santa and all that shite. In other circumstances I might have enjoyed those things but in this workplace it would have been a right minefield.

It is weird, the strangest small-town atmosphere of the type that I thought had all but died out in the UK.
Yes, they do want to turn me into one of them. That whole being bitchy as soon as someone leaves the room? It's just not me. They're supposed to be friends with each other too. Can you imagine what they're like with their enemies?

I'm seriously considering giving notice on my contract and leaving a week early.

OP posts:
Blondebakingmumma · 16/12/2019 22:21

Maybe you suddenly feel like going on a health kick, being so close to the new year. Use your lunch break to go walking/running/ use an excuse to get the hell away from them. Or I suggest a family emergency. You are very busy helping out your mum who has just had a health scare

morriseysquif · 16/12/2019 22:25

Make up a really boring saga involving your indoor plumbing (or similar) and send them lots of messages about it, and everything pins on this saga being resolved.

Cornish2 · 16/12/2019 22:34

Or just say "have you two made up now then? Next time you see the one that was slagging the other off acting like best friends, they'll soon work each other out.

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