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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Not sure what is going on

50 replies

treeohle · 15/12/2019 22:54

Background - Been with Dp for 10 years, we have a 3 year old son and have our wedding booked for May 2020 (been planning for a while), normally very stable couple with no major issues.

Current situation- My employers and my Dp employer scheduled their work Christmas party nights for the same night. Dp would goes out quite frequently were as I do not. He stated that he definitely did not want to go to his Christmas party and so I went to mine. I felt that at the last minute he was regretting this decision but I was on my way out to my own at this point. He mentioned along the lines of you could leave yours early and I could nip out to mine for a bit'. He messaged me during the night but around 11pm he started being rude and said he was going to sleep.

The next morning he woke me up in quite an aggressive manner shouting at me to get up and look after ds as he was going out. He then ignored me all day, later that day he shouted at me to get myself sorted and up instead of lying their in a heap (hungover). Now 2 days later we still haven't spoke.

I'm really confused as to why he has reacted in this manner to something so trivial but when questioned denies this is the reason and states in a sarcastic tone 'I'm not speaking to you because I've nothing to say'

He slept on the sofa last night.

He is 35 years of age fgs

OP posts:

Original poster

treeohle · 15/12/2019 23:59

Ok he must be asleep as hasn't replied but I'm going up to bed

OP posts:

Dorri82 · 16/12/2019 00:14

Yeah it's alright for him to be able to sleep peacefully while you're up stressing about it all. Go kick him in the bollocks and have a good night's rest. Don't put him with his little tantrum. Tell him to either talk about it, or go away xxx

Seaweed42 · 16/12/2019 00:31

He expects you be be a mind reader. He expects you to 'notice' when he needs something. He's punishing you for daring to put yourself first. Now he'll be wanting you to cajole him out of the huff. You could just enjoy the peace and quiet. I would wonder what his mother is like.

OliveToboogie · 16/12/2019 06:09

He had someone he wanted to see maybe flirt with. When you went to your night out his plans were scuppered. He is raging mad and being incredibly childish. Start digging he is up to something x

Thatnameistaken · 16/12/2019 06:14

Think long and hard before you commit to marrying or have more children with this man, he is an arsehole, his true self is coming out...

jinglebelldogs · 16/12/2019 06:44

Well he's an asshole. He's the man though and entitled to go out and enjoy himself. You need to be punished for it. I'd be seriously reconsidering marrying someone with so little respect for me, who couldn't let me enjoy a night out.

RantyAnty · 16/12/2019 06:48

It really sounds like he is used to getting his way and expects you to drop whatever to accommodate him.

For him to be sulking and mean for 2 days is ridiculous.
The next day him demanding you to get up. How dare he!

He's trying to make sure you don't ever not accommodate him again.

He might be a his way or the highway guy and you haven't noticed before because everything suits him. If he doesn't get his way he'll sulk about punish you.

infacareinfant · 16/12/2019 06:58

Not one to reply as a rule but that man sounds like a horrible thing. Shouting at you to get up as he was going out that day !! He was and still is punishing you. I'm recently separated and while I'm
In a bad place emotionally, posts like this remind me of the bullshit I tolerated for years....and I'm well rid .
Tell him to go off to his mother and come back when he is ready to adult again.

Mlou32 · 16/12/2019 07:30

So when he asked if you'd leave your christmas party a little bit early so he could go to his as well, did you say yes you would and then not bother coming back to let him go out for a bit? Is that why he is mad? Just trying to work out what's going on..

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/12/2019 08:05

I'm in the 'he's passively aggressively trying to make you feel bad'. But, as he said he didn't want to go to his Christmas party, what are you supposed to be feeling bad about? Did he really, seriously think you'd leave your party early in order for him to go and be the sober one at his, already nearly over, party? Why?

I think you need to sit him down and ask him some hard questions about why he encouraged you to do something and then punished you for doing it...

LuluBellaBlue · 16/12/2019 08:48

He’s an arse and this would totally make me reconsider marrying him

SummerWhisper · 16/12/2019 12:15

Simple: he is more important than you and you have disobeyed him. He sounds awful and is abusive. In equal relationships, one partner does not punish the other.

Tell him to grow up and accept his behaviour as wrong and that he had better be comfortable on the couch or at his mothers for the forseeable if he can't.

Could he be in contact with someone whose availability he aligns with, hence the last minute stuff? She too might have childcare issues, hence the late availability. Check his phone.

Sunflowersok · 16/12/2019 12:25

I’d let him sulk OP. His silent treatment is his tactic to punish you (for his own fault), so the only want to get him to stop is to not let him affect you and enjoy the quiet! don’t let him see it’s bothering you. When he sees his punishment isn’t working he’ll give up.

Absolute child!

Original poster

treeohle · 16/12/2019 13:55

He had mentioned if my night was boring or not fun then he suggested I could leave early etc if I wanted to but I was having fun so I didn't.

I got some responses from him today, he admitted to be annoyed that he couldn't go out, but on the other hand is trying to act like I'm the mad one trying to turn it around 'said I'm the child for attempting to sleep on the sofa last night' I said sure you did the night before and he relied saying that's him doing that wasn't on purpose

Still at square one I give up texting him. I'm going to just ignore him untill he decides to
Apologise to me

OP posts:

Original poster

treeohle · 16/12/2019 13:56

He also asked why I deter my call logs so he had checked my phone. I'm finding this really odd he has never ever done something like this before to me it's so out of the blue.

I've never done anything to make him suspicious I was out with 5 girls

OP posts:

EKGEMS · 16/12/2019 14:36

You would be very,very unreasonable if you stay in a relationship with that asshole

ohwheniknow · 16/12/2019 14:45

Whoa. He is escalating a bit there.

Is the reason things are normally stable because he always gets everything his way?

ChristmasFluff · 16/12/2019 15:01

What a rancid asshole he is.

Unless you want to married to someone so passive (and not so passive) aggressive, call it off.

He doesn't slound as if he even likes you, let alone respects you, and I have no idea how you could like or respect someone who could act this way.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/12/2019 15:10

Oh so if you go out without him you're automatically cheating so he checks your phone?

MarianaMoatedGrange · 16/12/2019 15:11

This could be deflection.

AtrociousCircumstance · 16/12/2019 15:59

He is projecting. Cheats often accuse their OH’s of cheating.

He was desperate to go to his party - why?

He has behaved abominably. Nasty and spiteful.

BaileysMadeMeDoIt · 16/12/2019 17:56

You need to start going out more and he needs to grow up.

CalleighDoodle · 16/12/2019 20:30

Yeah he is getting worse.

Cacklingmags · 16/12/2019 21:30

Get into your own comfy bed and kick his passive aggressive arse out when he finally tries to get in with you. He is having a go at being controlling and if you want to marry Mr. Entitled Pants you need to let him know this escapade won't end well for him.

CakeandCustard28 · 16/12/2019 23:19

If he’s acting suspicious out of the blue it’s usually because he has something to hide. Trust me.

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