I have been with my dp for over 2 years. We don’t live together and he’s nearly 20 years older than me.
He is the kindest, loveliest person I’ve ever met and I love spending time with him. He does so much to help me out, he’s so thoughtful. He’s intelligent and funny, and handsome. He’s also great with my dc, particularly my youngest who adores him.
I know this is a difficult one for people who have not been involved in the world of swinging to understand, but when we first met we realised that we had both done swinging in the past, and it has been a part of our relationship. He doesn’t have sex with other people, but enjoys watching me do that, and sometimes I have done it on my own too (with his knowledge and permission).
Our own sex life has been not great to be honest. His health has been bad for the last year and we’ve hardly had sex with each other at all. This has been frustrating for me but I guess I’ve just got used to it, and stopped seeing him in a sexual way.
The thing is, I have met someone else through swinging who has turned my head. The sex with him is incredible, and he’s a really nice guy and a lot closer to my age. I really like him and I think the feeling is mutual. I really want to see him again but I know my dp wouldn’t allow it, he doesn’t like me having sex with people on a regular basis as he worries about emotional connections.
Thing is, I think maybe it’s too late for that and I can’t get this other guy out of my head. I’ve been quite distant with my dp as a result of this. He knows something is up but I haven’t felt able to tell him as I know how hurt he’ll be. But I know I’m hurting him anyway with my behaviour.
I adore my dp and the thought of not having him in my life makes me really sad, but our relationship is definitely more one of companionship than passion, and I’m in my thirties still and thinking is this it now? He’s not going to get any younger or healthier.
Up until I met this other guy I was perfectly content, but now I’m questioning everything and thinking maybe I have settled. We will never live together as he’s terrible with money, and I wouldn’t think of marrying him as he’s been married a few times before. But I think maybe I would like those things one day, they just aren’t going to happen with him.
I feel sick with nerves/guilt (nothing he doesn’t know about has happened with this other guy but we have been messaging). I don’t know if I’m being crazy throwing away a mostly brilliant relationship for some great sex. I know we need to have a conversation but I have no idea what to say to him.