How do I leave?

[ConfusedAngryWorried]

I am so confused. I will be going back to solicitor for more advice but hoping for some advice from those gone through this.

I want to tell my husband it is over. I have been suspicious for a while. Previous cheating etc. I have evidence now of multiple things but scared of telling him. He regularly threatens suicide. He has not been violent to me or kids but can fly off handle and be aggressive.

I have young 2 kids (both his). I want to leave the house but mortgage is joint and all bills in my name. Solicitor says not to leave marital home but I need some space. I can't force him to leave. What the hell do I do? I work and earn the majority of the money although he does contribute.

I do all child related things, taking to childcare, swimming etc look after them 24/7 except when at work.

What I really want to do is move out to a flat just me and the kids so I can have some space. But then I will still be responsible for the mortgage etc on main house and I just can't afford it. I will also lose all mine and the kids things. I just want somewhere he can't access. What do I do?

Hi, sorry I'm not here with any advice, but didn't want to leave you on your own. Hopefully someone will be along soon with some experience of what they did, but I am in a similar position and would be interested to hear what's happened with others. My preferred option is to stay in the house with the kids and take over the mortgage, but feel awful about making dh move out. If I could know in advance that he'd be ok (and the kids would be ok) I would do it tomorrow. I would probably say go back to solicitor as they know what they're talking about. Hope you get some help soon x

I am in a similar position. I'm becoming increasingly aware my husbands behaviour is unacceptable. It's like a veil has been lifted in the last few months. I am about to seek legal advice and feel the same as you with regards to the house. I know for a fact my husband would never leave, and it would need to be me who made the move. I hope someone has some advice. X

Thanks @Bearski77 and @HGranger
I am just so unsure what to do for the best.
I feel so stupid for ignoring so much for so long and now find myself in a position where I feel so embarrassed. I don't feel like I can tell anyone the full picture. I'm worried for my children and him making our living situation horrible.

Could you ask him to go and stay with friends or family for a few days so you can have some space? He clearly needs some medical help if he keeps threatening suicide. Either that or he's just trying to blackmail you, in which case you should ignore him. Definitely go back to the solicitor and tell him/her its untenable for you to both stay. My exh wouldn't leave when we separated and we ended up living separately in the same house for months. It was hell but he at least didn't play any mind games. Good luck 💐

Thanks @Fairycake2. I think its blackmail but it obviously still upsets me and I worry its not.

I think the suicide threats are to manipulate you into doing what he wants. it is very common in abusers.

I think I am more controlled than I thought which is hard for me to accept as I always thought I was very independent.