I need some perspective and a slap

[Blushingm]

Guy I've know for 6 years - been on and off. But we've always messaged all day every day until he decided in august I lived too far away (45 mins), I worked full time and so we only see eachother once or twice a week. The rest of the time he said he's at home alone lonely so there's no point.

We've messaged on and off since - I've seen him 3 times and we've slept together, hugged, had comfortable chilled evenings. He admitted he doesn't text back straight away - on purpose as we aren't together any more.

Think us all I can think about is him! I am constantly checking if he's online, worrying he's speaking to other women - afraid he will find someone else. I want him to want me - I've been on OLD but back out if dates at the last minute as I feel guilty and would rather be with him.

You need to go NC, but i think you know that.

It seems like a feeble excuse to break up, unless you both agreed neither of you were willing to compromise and move closer to each other in the long run?

So he’s told you that it’s not going to turn into a proper relationship, he’s admitted he leaves you hanging on purpose and he’s still getting the benefits of sex and a ‘girlfriend’ for the evening when he’s feeling lonely?

What, exactly, are YOU feeling guilty about? I think you need to cut him off. If he truly wanted you, wild horses wouldn’t stop him; he’d find a way. You’re getting nothing but stress and upset from this man. He is not your friend.

I suppose I'm clinging on in the vain hope he will realise

I can't move at the moment due to my kids school and I'm mid divorce which includes the house

I'm friends with his cousins and mum and auntie - he said they tell him he's being a nob (he agrees) but doesn't change how he behaves. They've told me they've said it too.

I really do love him

Go no contact. Delete his contact details. Let him know that you won't be messed about. It will either make him realise that he wants you in your life and he will contact you or you will start to heal and move on to a better place.

I'm really sorry but he doesn't feel the same. He's not going to change his mind. Cut all contact with him. Put him where he belongs - in the past. The sooner you move on, the better off you'll be.

I kind of want to say about this man, why is he lonely and sitting alone 5 nights a week? Does he only want a GF so that he has someone to talk to? That’s no reason! It feels as though you are probably the one making all the effort and he cannot be bothered to date you properly, make friends, get a hobby etc etc

I agree. Go no contact for a while, don't text him at all, sounds like you're going all the chasing etc

If you go no contact, go out and have fun, let it feed back to him and you never know he might realise how much he misses you and if he does text you first then don't answer straight away.

If he's the one for you love will find a way.

But go and have fun with others ❤️

Your best hope of getting him to up his game is not to cling on and accept his crumbs but to cut him off. Either he'll come running or you'll get over him.

Continuing to shag him is not going to make him realise a thing - he's getting what he wants and no effort.

A 45 minutes drive is nothing.

I'm trying hard not to message him - but it's hard!

I know logically you're all right! He knows I'm hanging on his every text. When he does message I think 'oh he's thinking about me'

Delete his number and remove him from your social media.

Block him on social media, delete his number and start getting over him OP.

If he really wanted to he could come to you. But he doesn't really want to. If 45 minute drive is too much of an obstacle imagine if you had some real problem he had to deal with?

He doesn't have a license - it's 2 buses and 2 trains if he wants to come here - he's done it before

You're making excuses for him. Sorry. I agree, nc for your own sanity. Reclaim some control over it. I know it's hard, but was worried to read you've even entertained possibility of moving. What, for him? That is ultimate victory for him. If hes lonely, i think I can work out why. He's not going to change

@Blushingm, I used to catch two buses and two trains to work every morning and my single bus home now takes 45 minutes to travel 3 miles. It's hardly the most difficult thing in the world to do.

He's just not that into you.

It sounds messy

Is it he doesn't want to get involved with the kids and divorce situation ?

How old is he , not driving sounds a pain

How do you know his family ?

He's 39 and I'm 41. Beginning of last year we were off and he decided that he'd made a mistake and did everything he could to get me agree to give him a chance - made the effort to come over after I was working etc

Not driving is a right pita

I know his family as he introduced us but I've gone on to become really good friends with one of his cousins and still chat to the others and one of his cousins girlfriends. I met his mum and his grand parents - they send me and my kids birthday and Christmas gifts - we spend a couple of Christmas's at his mums

Possibly you having developed good friendships with his relatives makes it harder for him to tell the truth and end things cleanly.

Yes. It's messy. But you need to get him out if your system. Please dont use family as excuse to make bad situation worse. Cos it will get worse. Sorry.