As some of you might know, I've decided to move away from my partner because after over a decade of being together, I need some distance to decide if I still want to be with him.
We both would like to be parents one day, but I realise that I've put it off for a long time because I didn't feel like he was the right person for me anymore, and have started to have doubts if he really understands how stressful being a parent is.
He is one of the most introverted people I know. I am fairly introverted myself, but really enjoy people's company if it's one-to-one or if it's the right people. I need space to recharge and I have creative pursuits which are important to me. He is on another level or introvertism however. He is easily over stimulated and does not manage stress well at all. He has a tendency to flap at small mishaps. He is one of those people, unfortunately, that will take out their stress on their partner by being snappy and grumpy. It's improved in the last 6 months a lot but really hasn't been easily to live with before that.
My assumption is is that if he finds work stressful, if he finds small mishaps stressful, then he's going to be REALLY stressed as a parent. If he gets easily overstimulated, then how is he going to cope with a demanding child who won't give a toss about him being an introvert? He needs breathing space to think and be by himself, but so do I and I'm scared that I will be the one left to entertain because he won't be able to cope with those demands. He says that no no, it would be different with a child (because they're a child as opposed to an adult), but I'm not sure if he's really aware of his own limits. My brother in law seems like quite a laid-back chilled character, so if he's overwhelmed by his children at times (to be fair he has 3) then I look at my partner and I just think 'God, hope are you going to cope then'? I have a feeling that in his head, he think 'if it all gets a bit too much, she can handle it'.
I wish he could have the experience of looking after a toddler for a few months because the he would see my point. At the moment, it breaks my heart when he's envious when he sees men his own age taking small children or toddlers to the park. I'm confused over the because I used to know a man who was quite stressed at work, but he said that when he got home and looked after his baby, all that stress just melted and he ended up becoming a stay at home dad. It's a bit of a gamble or far fetched maybe to think my partner will be the same though.