When to leave?

[coconutty101]

When did you know it was time to leave your relationship?

I've been unhappy for a while... We've had a tough year with health issues, lost jobs, a new baby, figuring out parenthood.
We have a 1 year old.
I've been back and forward between home and my mums, been back a week, he still hasn't told me he loves me... And things are still no better.

How do you make that decision... Stay and hope things will get better or go?

I literally couldn't stand it for one more minute.

What is his behaviour towards you and the baby?

Things just aren't right. We're like strangers.
He's fine with LO, but
Cold towards me, has an attitude, think we're both a bit depressed tbh, and not helping each other out the holes we're in.

You need to sit down with him and be honest. Tell him how you feel. He either engages with you, talks to you and works to rebuild your relationship or you have no future together. Living as you are at the moment is no fun. It won't be long before your baby is old enough to start picking up on tensions so something needs to change sooner rather than later.

I'd guess your relationship was not in the best place before LO came along. Not much info on your part, you need to elaborate before people can form an opinion

Our relationship was fine before LO came along, he's had bad health, lost his job because of it, everything gone downhill since.
It's been a stressful year for the most part for both of us.

Sorry to hear You're going through this. I found it really hard at that point a couple of years ago. My suggestion would be to try and gently talk it out. It sounds as if you both are very hurt. Having a DC changes everything. And it will keep on changing. As that happens you tend to change with it as well and so will your partner. Begin by talking about DC and asking him to be apart of the details and choices, then add other day to day issues and before you know it you guys will be communicating again. I urge you not to play the waiting game. He may feel very hurt and abandoned by you leaving and you're probably feeling pushed out and also very hurt. One of the hardest things I've found is to not go tit for tat and be in constant competition with each other.
If coming together doesn't work then call it day. But I'd give it one more good go, especially if you still love him. If there is no love, then call it a day as it's not fair on either of you. Good luck and I hope it all works out for you x

Yeah you need to just let it all hang out; don’t pull punches but do it in a manner of “firm but loving”.

My DH and I have struggled after all three of our babies were born; life goes a bit skewiff for 9 months after but it seems to be better when the “shock” of it all subsides.

Personally I’ve had some health issues as well and in summation I have at time’s felt my DH sees me as surplus to requirements as I’ve been in hospital and sick on several occasions over the past 5 years - mostly as a result of pregnancy or birth.

But it’s honest conversation with hard truths delivered sensitively that have worked, and the fact we still respect each other and want it to work.

It also really pays to lead with “I feel [x]” instead of “you do [x]” as it means you’re not dealing with someone on the immediate defensive.

Good luck. It’s hard. The first year... god it nearly defeated me and I had and have a “perfect” sleeper and feeder.

I am sending you all the best x