Honesty needed ... can I do this alone?

[Brookerebecca]

I’m 34 weeks with 2nd child and me and my partner have just broken up. My 2 year old has an operation in 4 days, it’s Christmas in 10 days and my bundle is due in 40 days.
Can I seriously do this alone?
He is so unappreciative of me and we have been struggling for months, this weekend was the last straw and I snapped. I’ve been suffering terribly with morning sickness in third trimester and on Friday night I was exhausted crying on the sofa and he left to go out with friends rather than help me with our also sick 2 year old.
The man who is supposed to love and support me unconditionally and who I have given my life too could barely hold a door open for me.... brutally honest opinions please?!

You can do anything you set your mind too. Take it one task and day at a time. Do you have any support around you?

Of course you can do this OP. Concentrate on your own health and that of your children, get through the operation, stuff Christmas if needs be, your 2yo is too young to miss anything yet.

I’m sorry that your partner is such a twat. You can do this, you know you can. Do you have any friends or family around? Don’t be afraid to let them help you.

Well he doesn’t sound like he’s particularly useful so I don’t think you’ll be worse off doing it alone. I was a single parent for a while and although it is undoubtedly difficult it’s also wonderful in so many ways. You find strength that you didn’t know existed. Do you have support OP? Friends or family that can help? Of course you can do it alone, because when we need to survive we do. 💪

Hi. You can do it. Honestly, it sounds as if things will be easier without him around.
Have you got family/friends who can help out? I’m so sorry that things have been so rubbish for you. Hopefully a light will soon appear at the end of this tunnel. All the best

Hey, I'm sorry but I'm going to say the opposite. An extra pair of hands is always needed in the first year, especially those draining first few months of having a newborn, then you have a 2 year old on top of that.

Personally, if it's not toxic between you and you can get on most of the time, I'd stay for another 6 months, if you can handle it. ❤

Was he actually providing an extra pair of hands?

Friends and family are limited and although they try to be supportive I honestly can’t think of anyone to have in the birth room with me. I know in my heart my life is actually easier without him he just promised so many times he was gonna change I can’t help but worry I’m going to fall flat on my face with and newborn and fail my two year old. Genuinely who does this to a heavily pregnant woman I treat strangers with more care than he does me 😭

Do you have family/friends who can help out in the early days and relieve the burden?

Men who behave like this don't generally have an epiphany and change, so don't think his continued presence for 6 months or more will make that much difference and it will just continue to drag you down.

What human being can't put their plans for a night out to one side in order to support the mother of their children, who is ill with an ill child. Selfish and callous beyond belief.

It sounds like you have pretty much been doing everything on your own anyway. Are your family nearby? Or have you got any good friends? You need support, especially when your little one has their operation. Don't be on your own while your DC is having surgery, you need someone to hold your hand through that.

Deal with one thing at a time. Your health and your little one's health are the most important thing. Get through the operation first. Then start getting a plan together for where you want to go from there.

You can do all that- and more, if necessary.

He works from 6am - 8pm during the week and the tends to just join us on family days out during the weekend. Yes he kids a dishwasher once a week and puts a hoover around but honestly I would say that’s it. Please bare in mind I also work full time and care for our two year old aswell as have the dinner on the table and the house clean ... god I’m such an idiot 🤦🏽‍♀️

Of course you can do it on your own !

Yes you can so it alone. If you've decided it's truly over you can try and think of practical things that can help you when the baby arrives. Maybe hiring some sort of mothers help a couple of times a week or a cleaner. Newborns do sleep most of the time. Is there any family you could stay with ? Xx

You can do it on your own - you virtually are doing it now! He is totally out of order for leaving you to have a jolly when it’s clear that you need some support. You say you have broken up; has he left? What are your living arrangements? Are you concerned about finances, housing?

You’re already doing it on your own! What is it that he does now that you couldn’t do if you needed to? Seriously, sit down and make a list of everything he does to contribute to your family life together.

Well it sounds like you are doing it on your own, only with the added emotional burden of constant disappointment from being let down. Imagine how lighter you would feel without that?

Hope the operation goes well.

You absolutely can do it and you will. It's actually harder to cope realising someone could help you and they don't.

Sending you love x

I did it @Brookerebecca Ex treated me like dirt under his shoe.
Gave birth abroad on my own with the support of a charity doula. My parents flew over to look after my other kids. Is there any doula service locally that could help you?

By the way it fucking sucks and he's a majorly selfish prick.

As others said.... you're already doing it on your own . How much harder could it be?

Well ofcourse you can do it alone, how do you think the many many single parents cope? Give their kids up to a “family”? My ex is absent and I have 4 yes it’s hard but what’s the alternative? And no one loves a partner unconditionally, that’s a love you feel for a child not a partner.