Hand hold needed, I'm acting like a fool....

[Cherrygirl3]

Two years and four months ago I started a relationship with a guy I'd had my eye on for ages. I was over the moon as I fancied him like mad but didn't realise he felt the same way. I soon realised he was quite inexperienced in some areas of life (coming from a small village) however we got off to a good start. As things progressed I became really invested and told him how I felt. He said he had a mental block about saying the L word as he had when he was younger and it scared off his gf. I understood, and we carried on. Then after a silly row he announced he didn't want to get too serious and like a fool as I had such strong feelings I accepted the crumbs he offered. When he is troubled he'll go into his mancave and I wont hear from him for a while, I've got used to this....two months ago I decided to go NC, no reason other than he'd been distant and I sensed he needed space. Waited...and waited. Nothing. This morning after a sleepless night I cracked and messaged that I missed him....nothing! He read the message I can see as it has a blue tick. I feel like a first class fool now, couldn't even leave it there either, messaged again asking if he has met someone else....I'm devastated and getting more agitated by the minute. Can someone talk some sense into me before I explode.

Don't feel like a fool - lots of us have/will do similar. I'm one of them

I pick up any ounce of attention a certain bloke gives me - I'm sure he knows it - every time he invites me over to his, I go, we have sex, he goes quiet until it happens all over again

You are worth way more than this pathetic dude. Do you want to put up with a big man baby who can’t communicate with you? Someone who just goes quiet without any explanation?
Your the one chasing him, he doesn’t need to do anything, he’s getting his ego stroked knowing he’s got you pining for him.
I would block him, deal with the pain and move on and find someone worthy of your time...trust me he’s not gonna suddenly wake up and come running to you.
You deserve respect at the very least and he’s rude and ignoring your messages. What a coward.
You can do better.
Don’t listen to your emotions, listen to your head...trust me on that one. Giving into your emotions just brings more pain.
You don’t want to be chasing a guy who isn’t investing in you, why do you want someone who isn’t choosing you fully. Come on, you are way too good for him.

Blushingm how long have you been seeing him for? It's horrible isn't it? We got off to such a lovely start, I think I ruined things by accepting crumbs and now he takes it for granted. Each time he goes quiet, I dread never seeing him again for a while....start getting over it a bit....then he comes back. I've tried blocking, then unblock as I know he'd be hurt as he's a sensitive guy, but not so sensitive that he considers my feelings, although he says he doesn't want to hurt me all the time.... I've asked him for closure many times....he just won't give it. Why can't we be strong?

Bellaviolet thank you, I know you speak the truth. I think it's just that I don't ever seem to meet anyone who comes close to him. I meet loads of men as I have a sociable hobby but never meet one I would remotely like to date let alone anything else....I think if I could only feel for someone else what I feel for him it would break the spell.

Bellaviolet "big man baby" is a perfect description.

You know what you need to do. Walk away from crumb boy and never look back. Delete his numbers, block and DO NOT let him sweet talk you into picking things up again if he suddenly decides to woo you again. He’s not treating you well and he’s rude. You’re better off alone, even if it’s for quite a while, than you are throwing yourself at someone who really doesn’t care much about you. And his excuses about being hurt by exes etc are rubbish lies. Come on - have some pride and start on that self respect today!

And it’s highly unlikely that you will feel that way about someone else instantly or while you’ve still got this guy in your system.. Give yourself a little time to recover and be single.

Been there, done that, don't beat yourself up, it's fine.
STOP messaging now though. You will only feel worse if you keep sending messages.
Remind yourself you are not dependant on him or his replies. He knows he is upsetting you by not responding and you deserve a lot better than that I'm sure. It's very hard to do but move on, you know the bottom line - if he respected you he wouldnt treat you like this.
And you definitely deserve to be respected!!!

Does this man in your life remind you of your father or a brother?

Were you abandoned in your childhood either physically or emotionally?

This man is not sensitive, he doesn’t give a flying fuck or he would be reciprocating your texts and not just using you.

You are mixing up chemistry with an unmet need, possibly from childhood. He is a Universal life lesson brought to you to make you love yourself more.

Take him off the pedestal and put yourself up there.

Every time you want to contact him go on YouTube and watch a video by Susan Winters, Matthew Hussey, Derrick Jaxn or the very sexy French Alex Cormont.

Keep watching videos until the urge to text leaves you.

Good luck.

Honeyroar I'm angry with myself as I was doing so well in trying to get over him then this morning I waivered. And I'm angry that I've humiliated myself once again....but I've done this to myself, I have nobody else to blame. It's a setback and now I'll have to start all over again

Closure is not something the other person gives you. You can make it yourself. Just take your own closure,as this isn’t working for you!

lexipuppy was abandoned as a young child physically by my mother and emotionally by my father? I've already seen some Matthew Hussey videos, I'll check out the others...thank you. I've just blocked and deleted his number! Feel sad but also a sense of relief!

cordelia I've never looked at closure like that before! Yes, blocking and deleting is my way of getting closure. Phew!

Cherrygirl you’re human, we make mistakes and have emotional moments. Just learn from it. Don’t let him humiliate you anymore. Block and delete every way you have of contacting him again. You need to make yourself sever all ties. It will hurt a bit, but help you next time you waiver. Get back on that path to a better future without him and with someone who would walk over hot coals for you!

Don't feel bad - most of us have been through this! You've done the right thing in deleting him.

It's hard to switch off your feelings OP. If this guy was interested then you would know. He's not the guy for you, whether he has met another or not is his own business. Try and forget him, he is not worth your time. You will get over him

I did the EXACT same thing with a guy for nearly 2 years.
Met online and he told me he didn’t want anything serious and to see how it went, we were seeing how it went for nearly 2 years and I still kept thinking oh maybe one day he’ll want things to become serious between us. I realise now to him we were fwb and nothing more, I wasted feelings and time on him.
He was similar with contact, would ignore me for days/weeks then pop up wanting to see me (wanting a shag🙄) and i happily open the door to him.
It killed me going NC, I’d type out messages to send him, block and unblock his number etc etc. But in the end I managed to stay strong and he’s now out of my life.
Months later he messaged and we had a chat and he told me how much of a dick he was and that I deserved better, it felt nice to know that even though he was a dick at least he knew it.
I’m now with someone who treats me far better. You can get through this, I know it’s tough but you’ll get there 🙂

Thanks for all your words of wisdom and understanding everyone. I think it's the season that's making me feel worse, the last two Christmas's/New Year's he's been around so I'm kind of dreading it this year. I've not spent Christmas as a single girl in years, I know there are many others in the same boat though, so I'll do my best to enjoy it. I have lovely friends and family so I'm lucky that way, and I realise that not everyone has this. I do count my blessings as well as feeling sorry for myself sometimes.